shit

Chapter 11 shit happens

It's nice to spend time with Kyle. It's a little weird after being an introvert for what feels like far too long. It's nice, but overwhelming. I feel my voice sounding a little nervous. I hope I'm the only one who can notice.
Nothing feels the same anymore. I feel uncomfortable spending time with my best friend since preschool. I can never look at Kenny the same after this whole death loop. I don't even talk to Cartman anymore. Not that he was really even my friend, but I hardly see him at all except for in class. I can't even look at Cartman the same because it's all so different now. Everything's changing. I wonder what Mom and Shelley are doing right now. I wonder if moms already looking for another man. I wonder what's happening to our old house.
Our old house.
It's right next door. It hurts me to realize I'm so close to a thing of the past. This neighborhood makes me feel uneasy. Too many memories I don't want to feel right now. My head isn't taking anything too well right now. I'm either overthinking, or the alcohol is wrestling with my brain. Everything starts to hurt. My stomach, my brain, my heart, my whole body. I stop what I'm doing and drop to a fetal position, just trying to regain myself. My eyes struggle to stay open.

"Stan?" Kyle walks over and shakes me, trying to wake me up.

This pain is stronger than his attempt. I groan in agony. Something is definitely wrong. I try to speak up but I can't. I'm losing all control in my body. I feel lifeless and numb. I can't tell if I'm breathing or not. It almost feels like I've died but my soul hasn't left my body. What if that's what death really is. Am I already dead? I can only pray that I'll wake up. And if my prayer is too late, set me free. Set me free from these shitty memories that I once loved. I don't want to be reminded anymore.