Unspoken (Sitkolson Threequel)

23| Face Your Fears.

(A/N: Chris's hair. His hair. HIS HAIR. His FUCKING hair... did i mention, his hair? Okay ENJOY)

Music: Tiny Glowing Screens Pt. 2 (by Watsky)

*Chris's POV*

          The dim lighting of the dull hallway glimmered perfectly over Ricky's slicked back, dyed black hair. And I had a second to admire his childish beauty. Just before he turned to look at me once more from his constant train of thoughts. I only say 'childish' because of how open minded and innocent he seemed to be. I wish i had that innocence back in myself, but the violent reality that i lived in has stolen that away from me. 

          "It's probably best if you go in and talk to Ghost again." He suggested, sighing out his breath from his frail lungs. 

          "Are you going to come in too?" I asked, secretly kind of wanting him to accompany me inside. I guess you could say that i was afraid to go back inside, but that's only because of all the ridicule and blame Ryan and Ghost would put on me. Sure, i might have caused all of this, but imagine yourself in my shoes, it felt like my only option. My heart was already speeding up, just thinking about going back in there by myself. 

          "Nah, i don't feel like seeing Ryan." He seemed disappointed and distant, his eyes glazing over with internal emotion that i couldn't decipher. "I'm gonna go smoke." He checked his back pocket for his lighter and carton of cigarettes, feeling satisfied that they were there.

          "You shouldn't smoke, Ricky. It's not good for you." I scolded like a disapproving father. but i couldn't stop him even if i tried. So i gave up on trying.

          "Ha, since when do you care so much about my health?" Ricky scoffed,pushing  himself off the floor and onto his feet, waiting for the blood to rush back to his head before leisurely walking down the hallway and out the door. Great, now i have no choice but to face Ghost and Ryan alone. I scooped up all the courage i could muster inside me and wrapped my hand around the cool doorknob before turning it. I couldn't turn back now and abandon Ghost, no matter my confused feelings for him. 

         "Ghost, i'm sorry." Were the first words that left my wet lips. Surprisingly, i wasn't met with rude comments, well at least not from Ghost. He only seemed pleased that i didn't leave him. His eyes were smudged with make up and were puffy and red from crying. How could i cause so much pain? I'm a walking tornado, destroying everyone and everything in my wake without a second thought until it's too late. 

          "How dare you come in here after you deserted your pregnant boyfriend." Ryan hit me with all the insults and remarks he had, like he was using everything in his arsenal of weapons. I didn't want to start a fight again, it was the last thing i wanted to do. But i felt so attacked, like a threatened animal, so the only thought in my mind was to yell at him back. Yeah, i sound so childish, which seems weird because of how i called Ricky childish before, But i meant his in the best way. There's always two sides, two angles to things, even a childish quality. And my side of being childish was the worst side.

          "How dare I? How dare you!" I had risen my voice quite loudly.

          "What the fuck are you talking about?" Ryan looked confused, taking a defensive tone in his voice. "What does this have to do with me?" We had taken this into our own personal hands. I felt my blood boiling as this fight escalated. No, i wasn't going to make this physical because with the amount of stress i have put Ghost under lately, i feared that any more stress would cause him to go into extremely premature labor. 

            "Tell me, Ryan, Where's your husband at right now, huh?" I turned this around on him. " See, you don't even pay attention to him enough to know where he is." I knew it was wrong to bring the innocent Ricky into this, but i was like a grenade, and when i exploded i brought down everything with me. "And when's the last time you told him you loved him and how much you appreciated him for sticking with you through all of your bullshit?" I didn't mean anything i said, but when i was mad, i was mad and said stupid things.

          "Shut your fucking mouth, Chris." He snapped.

         "Guys, please." Ghost begged quietly for us to quit our shit, but of course no one heard him. 

         "Don't you dare talk to me about how much i love Ricky, you don't know shit about us." He clenched his hands into fists but kept them to his side.

          "Oh yeah, then why did he just come running out into the hallway and basically tell me that you ignore him? I may be stupid, but i'm not oblivious." I took Ricky's defense because i knew his pain. To be honest, i don't think i was mad at Ryan, but i was just letting things off my chest, whether they were true or not. Before Ryan could even respond and get me more riled up, i took off again. "I don't want to leave you again Ghost, but i'm not staying here." I said as kind of a final apology. 

         My heavy foot falls thudded against the shaggy carpeted floor before i pushed my weight against the front door. The blood boiling inside me continued to bubbled up, but changed from anger ti passion when i saw Ricky where i expected him to be. He turned to me with his cigarette held between his pinkish lips as he let out a puff of billowing smoke as he took the rolled up, chemical ridden paper out of his mouth. "Chris..." He started but i cut him off.

          "Ricky, do you feel loved?" I asked out of the blue, voice still conveying strong passion and wonder. 

          "I don't kn-" 

          My lips replaced his words as i pressed my mouth to his.

         His cigarette fell from his fingers slowly, as if time had been temporarily paused and slowed down. The hot, fire-singed end of his cigarette finally meeting the cold hard pavement at our feet.

*******************************************************************************

Haha drama as always! What do you guys think is gonna happen  or any thoughts on this chapter? Please comment them!

Also i'm thinking of kind of tying this story together at the end of this story whenever i decide to finish it with my other story "Let's Raise Hell" so i suggest you read that story after you read this one! It's not going to have much linkage with the main plot but i guess you'll see!

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