who's your daddy? // luke hemmings

dvadeset i tri

sotc: spaces by one direction

(a/n warning: sad chapter ahead proceed with caution)

"Blue, are you ready?" I looked down at my black dress and shoes, wishing that I could take back the entire week. Excuse my language, but fuck whoever said that everything happens for a reason because it doesn't. God sure didn't plan for my father's death; no one did. Yet, here I am with tear-stained cheeks and a broken heart. "Hannah-God, please don't cry. I can't stand it." He held me and squeezed the life out of me. I need him.

"This is just a thing; everybody goes through it and you will survive. This is a typical day to be sad but don't focus on what you've lost, just focus on what you still have. Sadness doesn't deserve you." Luke spoke into my ear and a soft whine escaped my mouth. I nodded but didn't move; I didn't think I could walk. Luke noticed my stiffness and decided to take it upon himself to carry me to the car.

With Luke picking me up bridal style, I latched my arms around his neck and squeezed my eyes shut. Why can't he just kiss away the hurting? Why can't it be that simple?

We sat in the car and I layed down on the three backseats, truly not caring for my safety at the time. Of course, the sun made it's hot appearance today and I was upset by it. I want it to rain; I want it to hail, even. The car came to a halt and Luke took the keys out of the ignition, turning around and saying something about arriving at the stupid gathering for my father.

I got out of the car, and I heard the loudest of silence. My father's chain dangled around my wrist and I shook it so that it jingled, making some kind of noise in this deserted place. Luke's arm wrapped around my shoulders as we walked into the large building. Every decoration inside of the ballroom-looking venue. Elizabeth led us into a room with people that had blurry faces.

They all greeted me with hugs and I hugged them back, pretending that I knew the ones that I didn't. I even saw Calum's family there, and his father was crying. Should I be, too?

I remembered that my father didn't want to be cremated, so the fact that I would see my dead father lying in a casket hit me and I slapped my hand over my mouth. Luke asked me if I was okay, and I shook my head 'no' and composed myself.

The time flew by, but when the host announced that my father's inhumation celebration was starting, I tried my hardest to numb myself; for the time was moving slower than slow.

There was a line created leading to the casket, with pictures of my father and I and white candles lit. I flew out of Luke's hold and ran the casket, not caring that there were already people in the middle of praying for my father.

I saw my dad for the first time in months and the last time for the rest of my life.

I broke down into sobs, and it sounded like I was dying. I think I was. It looked like I was throwing a tantrum, banging my fists on the floor and stomping my feet. Luke came to my rescue and tried to settle me down, but I kept pushing him away. He forcefully pulled my body towards him and rocked me on the floor, whispering encouragements into my ear. His tranquility gave me bliss and we were one as we sat on the floor in front of my dead father. Maybe my dad wouldn't disown me if he knew about Luke and I, but that was only because he was six feet under.

I don't remember how the rest of the funeral went, for it was a blur and so was I, but I do remember the moment I got home. The very last of my empty room was a bed with one heavy blanket and I stripped of all my clothes except my undergarments and passed out of exhaustion, hunger, and dehydration. I had a dream of my dad and Luke sitting on the floor, playing with my toddler and bonding; as father/son-in-law, not step-father/step-son.

I knew that my father wouldn't want me mourning and that he would want me happy, and that's what is keeping me from giving up on my future. Who was I to give the last of my father's reputation to waste?

I wanted Luke. I felt lonely sitting in the dark by myself. He could've warmed me better than this blanket and maybe I could've told him that for my 18th birthday, I want him to take away my virginity. Instead, he was mourning over how sad I was. He called himself selfish, but I called him strong. He called me an idiot for thinking he was strong and that I was stronger than him, and Superman, and even a soldier.

I just want to be held by my Big Blue.
_______________________________________________________________

short chapter but yeah sorry if u died

type 'luke sucks balls' with your eyes closed