I want to be your friend. Pull in
What's a friend? How do I be one and receive one? Push away.
Maybe I want to write you weekly letters. Pull in
What if I can't think of what to say? Push away.
Maybe I want to be able to play the game with you. Pull in.
I can't even ask you. Push away.
Maybe I want to send you pictures of things I think you'll like. Pull in.
Oh, it appears my camera is fogged up. Push away.
I want to be healthy with you. Pull in.
But what if we're doomed to the same fate? Push away.
Push away.
The thought paralyzes me. My mind, my body, my vocal cords. What if I let myself get too close and love you too hard, even platonically? It would be like a self destruct trip wire, waiting to be activated.
Push away.
What if deep down, you hate me? I would never ask to call you. What if you watch me so closely, I wouldn't be able to catch my breath. Calling is unhealthy if we both struggle with goodbyes...what if you second guess my words and never believe what I say?
Push away
What if you hold this idea that I'll jump first over my head and the pressure gets too much, making me jump even when I said I wouldn't.. what if you pull me close just to please me and then get scared and shove me to the ground, upset when I question the overnight turn around? What if....
What if...
What if...
What if...
Push away,
Push away,
Push away,
Please stop. There's too much uncertainty. I'm sick again...there's too much tug-of-war, the rope hurts. My hands burn...I have to let go of the idea of a friendship with you and I have to let it go now.
Again..
YOU ARE READING
Paracosm
Puisi{PAR-uh-kahz-um} (n.) A detailed imaginary world created in the mind, often as a means of escape or solace, filled with its own people, places, and stories. | this book is quite the contrast. I shared my thoughts a really long time ago. I'll start...
