she wanted to cry
but she knew she couldn't
so she held it in
all day.
not because she wanted to pretend she was strong
not because she was afraid of judgement
not because she'd feel embarrassed
even in front of everyone.
even when she got home
and stared at her reflection for ages
until she screwed her face up tight
and she felt a strong urge to burst into tears
she couldn't.
if she could cry,
trust me.
she would.
until one day
she didn't care anymore
it was all too much
she wanted to show them
what really happened
when it got to her.
she didn't even care
if everything went black
she decided
she wouldn't care when her vision went blurry
she wouldn't care when her head began to pound
she wouldn't care when she started to go dizzy
she wouldn't care when the tears trailed down her face
and mixed in with snot
and made a huge mess of her face.
she wouldn't care if she fell on the floor
in front of everyone
and showed them
that's it.
so finally
in class
she let herself cry
her face grew red
and she began to sob
it didn't take long
for the tears to fall
she finally let herself
let it all out
first her head began to pound
she could hear it in her eardrums
thump, thump, thump
her vision went blurry
she could hardly see a thing
she could vaguely hear people
far away
asking why she was crying
if she was alright
but now she started
she couldn't stop
her head began to spin
she grew dizzy
her cries grew worse
heart breaking to hear
and her breaths became short
gasping for air
sobbing out
the teacher trying not to panic
students surrounding her in shock
she began to plunge
in a world full of darkness
or rather
an ocean of darkness
because it felt like
she was drowning
as she fainted to the floor
in front of everyone.
the reason she never cried
or she couldn't cry
wasn't because she was embarrassed
or because she was afraid of people judging her
or simply because she thought she'd look ugly
it was just because
crying made her faint
every single time.
YOU ARE READING
breathe ⇒ poetry
Poetryalexithymia (ah-lek-sah-THI-mee-ah) - inability to describe emotions in a verbal manner. " the best poems are written in the early morning when all you can see is darkness and your eyes are filled with tears " [aesthetic poems, stories through p...
