She's A Fighter (ON HOLD)

She's a Fighter; Chapter Six

I was blacking out.

Everything seemed so distant, just so far away. I was definitely physically there, but not mentally. I was in my own world. I was far, far away from this place we call “reality.” It was the exact opposite of overthinking. I was isolated... from myself. From the world. From my surroundings. The little things I wouldn’t normally notice were becoming clearly evident.I noticed how I was breathing. Calm, heavy breaths. I was sweaty and hot, but at the same time I felt like very chilling. I wanted to just hide under a blanket, all cozied up.

I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t happy either. I wasn’t any type of emotion right now. I was just ... numb and that was the only word I could use to express how I felt.

I shook my head trying to snap out of it. Everything seemed clearer than daylight, but at the same time so blurry. I, irritatedly, rub my eyes.

I hated reality, but yet there she was taking care of me. She was the one who had snapped me back. She was the one who I could count on to keep me on track when all I wanted was to give up. She wasn’t nice. She wasn’t sweet. She was real. Hell, she was my best friend.

Faye nudged me towards the exit and guided me back in the house. All my senses were amplified. Everything hit me all at once. Each scent and sound. Each color making it self more evident than it usually would.

The smell of warm, burning candles filled my nose. The all too familiar beige walls made my eyes bulge. Each piece of designed furniture, comfy and extravagant filled the house. This was home. It wasn’t home because of each item inside it, but because I had built my life (or I guess my new life) around it. It was my place of rest. It was my comfort and fortitude. It was my security.

I was there, but I wasn’t. Each pointless question she asked wouldn’t make a difference, despite her best efforts to keep me here.

The conversation was shallow, and that was the point. Nothing too personal, until I was back. Until I was fully back to myself. Everything was kept at the surface.

I layed my head on a pillow that rested on her legs. We were lounging on the big, fluffy couch. We talked as she played with my dark brown hair, or to be more specific she talked at me. I scrolled through the weheartit page while trying to distract myself from the truth.

Normally, when I’m myself, this wouldn’t happen. Faye and I don’t hug, or cuddle, or lean on each other, or whatever the typical, “normal” best friends do that involve touching.Yet here we were on this dandy day, laying on the couch mouthing mindless chatter.

“You have your date tonight. I bet that’ll be a good distraction.”she says, knowing that’s all I wanted to do at the moment. To be totally honest, I forgot about the date. I know it’s only been close to a week, but with everything happening. Everything with training and the fight, everything with the team, everything with Hayleigh, everything with my … condition was registering the date as the last thing on my mind.

“You legit think I should go?”

“Why not?”

Why not? More like why....

“Ask me that question again.”

“What?! What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Are you seriously asking me that?”

I wasn’t even aware of what I could do. What I could create or destroy. It was a pain in the ass, but it had its moments.

“I mean. You seem fine.”

I honestly couldn’t believe she was telling me this. I can’t believe she’s encouraging the date. There were a gazillion and one things that could go wrong, yet her she is telling me to go on a date with a complete stranger while I was like this...

I rubbed my face. I could feel my heart beating faster. Each breath was heavier than the last. I was huffing. Sometimes she got me aggravated … You’d think that I’d be scared of losing her or hurting her since I can’t always remember what I do after an episode. You’d think I’d try to stay away from her during “my time.” You’d think I wouldn’t open up to her, (that seemed to prove impossible.) But I did and do. For some strange reason, no matter how worked up she gets me, it’s worth it. She’s worth it. She’s seen me at my worst and she still stayed. When I realized I was getting close to her, I started to distance myself because I never wanted to hurt her. I never wanted to get her involved in the crap that I called my life.

I sighed. “You should go.”

She hadn’t presented any evidence that proved that everything was going to be okay. She hasn’t told me any major reasons why I should attend this date. She hasn’t made a pretty convincing case, yet I’m agreeing to her. One thing I learned about Faye was that I just had to trust her and everything would fall into place (at least things that were controllable.)

For some odd reason I trusted her, but my gut told me (yes my gut whispered into my ear and told me) that she was right.

It was getting better. No therapy, miracle medicine, or treatment quite helped me the same way Faye did. I wasn’t quite as numb and I was at least 50% there. Everything seemed to dull down and I felt a little bit of “normalcy.”

We went upstairs to our walk - in closet so I could pick something to wear.

“Why can’t I wear some jeans and a shirt?” I asked in a whining voice.

“Because you’ll look like a bum.”

“But I am a bum.” I said still whining.

She sighed and started searching through my side of the closet. I plopped down in my computer chair and went through my phone while she picked out what to wear.

Faye picked out at the outfits while I tell her whether I like it or not.

“No.”

“Ugh.”

“Nooo. I’m going to watch a fight not go to a party.”

“Blehh.”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe? There’s no maybe. It’s a yes or a no.”

It went on like this for about half an hour until we decided on one outfit.

I wore an old, faded tiger schulmann’s shirt that I turned into a muscle tank and some black high waisted shorts with gold, spiked wedge sneakers.

I looked at Faye with a doubtful look on my face.

“Listen, Caleb and I’ll be in the area if anything.”

“I mean I guess.” I say.

“You’ll be fine.”

“Mhm.”

Troy drives me to Beer Garden’s, the bar where Reed and I will be watching the game. Caleb was in the front seat and Faye sat next to me.

“You think I’m going to need to drug you tonight?”

“If Sonnen starts talking crap, you might.” I say jokingly. I laugh but I know it might be true.

Faye looks at me like I’m crazy. “Wow.”

I chuckle under my breath.

We stepped out the car and they all walked me to the front of the bar, like a little overprotective family.

“Don’t do anything you wouldn’t tell me about.” Faye says.

“What are you talking about? I tell you everything.”

“Call us if you need us.” Caleb says.

“Okay.”

“I won’t be far so I can pick you up after.” Troy says.

“OKAY! Okay, I’ll be fine guys. Really. Love you guys, bye.”

I turned around and looked inside the bar. I stood there for a while just staring at him.Surprisingly, he looked back at me and had a giddy smirk on his face that made me blush.

Well, here goes nothing.