She's A Fighter (ON HOLD)

She's a Figther; Chapter Twelve

I haven’t seen Reed in a week. I know that it wasn’t a big deal. It was more of WHY I haven’t answered his call, replied to his texts, or bother to see him.

I have been awfully good. Too good. Who was I to think that this was going to last forever? Did I really think I wasn’t going to dark anytime soon? I could only stay high for so long, before crashing down.

The thing was, I wasn’t training. At least not formally, with Coach.  I have all this energy. I’m so speedy. All I do is try to keep my world busy, and distracted.

Good thing, I realized before I did anything stupid.

I was in the bathroom. I had just woke up, and felt like crap. I thought I was just in one of those moods where I hated everything. Every little thing was upsetting me. For some odd reason, I hadn’t suspected anything.  Then I saw my eyes. They were black. Deep, dark, never-ending pools of darkness. I cussed at myself, and pounded the wall.

I didn’t know why I was mad. I have been living with my condition for a while. Why all of a sudden was I getting upset at part of who I was? … because it ruined friendships and crushed dreams? No, that was going to happen inevitably.

Because I wasn’t perfect? No, I couldn’t care less. No one was perfect. Perfect is only an idea.

Then why was I mad, you ask. I don’t know.

I was feeling four billion different emotions right now. I just didn’t which one was strong enough to dictate my actions, yet.

I heard Faye singing. She obviously didn’t realize, because she kept on singing.

I rushed out the bathroom, unaware where exactly she was.

“Woah, there.” She said, unsuspecting of anything wrong. Until she saw my eyes. She wasn’t scared, just patient waiting for my next move. She was used to this by now.

“Maybe you should watch where you’re going next time.” I mumbled.

She looked at me with an annoyed look, and sighed as I walked away.

~~~

It’s been days since I made contact with anyone. I was trying to keep away and secluded. It hasn’t hit me yet. Not fully. I get flecks of normal thinking.

I think of how I am such a douchebag to everyone. I wonder if I’d do that to Reed. I was scared. I was scared of letting Faye in. I never wanted to drown her with my troubles. I never wanted to involve her in the crap I call my life. But there she was. I let her in. I surprisingly haven’t hurt my team... devastatingly enough.

There’s been dozen of times where I shoved Caleb into the wall. I’ve trashed the whole house and other hotel rooms we’ve stayed at. I smashed Coach’s car windows.

All because of I was ticked off. It only took one thing to get me mad. One dainty, stupid little mishap and that was it.

This is the first time I’ve thought that a guy would stay through it all. All those other guys could barely look past material things. I knew they’d never work out. Material things were the

least of their worries when dealing with me.

I want to tell him. I wanted to show him all of me...

                                                                                            But I was afraid he’d leave or run away.

It’s a lot to deal with. I’m a lot to deal with.

    I snap back to reality. I hear the faint sound of knocking against my door.