Serenity [h.s]

Restrained

- Tell me pretty lies, Look me in the face, Tell me that you love me, Even if it's fake.

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain. -Jim Morrison

Summer Lowal

Her hand stroked my hair softly as my head lied in her lap. I let the tears, for once, fall freely from my eyes, slipping out without hesitation. My mother didn't speak a word the entire time I came into her house with swollen eyes shaky breaths, smothering myself into her embrace, trying to choke back all my pain. Trying to delete the pictures of his lips on hers. I can't shake the feeling of my chest caving in. It felt as if someone had stabbed me multiple times. But how come it hurt me more this time? Why was seeing him, Harry Styles kissing another woman hurt me? I should be used to this. Used to the betrayal of the other.

But I couldn't forget it.

It was scarred into my brain and it burned my heart terribly.

"My love, tell me what's wrong?" My mother whispered in a hushed tone, wiping my tears off of my cheeks. I only let out a shaky breath as the tidal wave of hurt reappeared in my chest.

"I-I saw him kissing another woman." I only clamped my eyes shut again, but all I saw was her hands on him.

"Why are you so sure he kissed her, darling?" I sat up and glared at her with confusion.

"Mama, what kind of question is that?" I almost feel like screaming.

Almost.

God am I exhausted.

"It's a very simple question, my love. I see the way that man looks at you," I scoff with a hysterical sarcastic laugh.

"Well you obviously see it all wrong. Because he had his lips on another woman, mama and it hurt me this time, and I don't know why." I whisper while looking down at my lap. Tears leave my eyes and I wipe them away standing up.

"It doesn't matter, now. What's done is done. We're over. I told him I don't want to see him again, nor speak to him." My mother looked at me puzzled.

"Darling, you didn't give him a chance to explain,"

"He doesn't deserve a chance,"

She gives me  a small smile. "Darling, everyone deserves a chance." I wanted to scream. I wanted to break things. I wanted to slap Harry Styles. I wanted to shove him against a brick wall and hit him, make him at least feel the ounce of pain he is causing me.

That he has been causing me.

Why does it hurt so much?

I shake my head and swallow my profanities. "No, mother. Look, tell Dad I said hello, I'll be heading out," and my mother knew when I needed space I wouldn't listen to anyone or take their advice. She only nodded and stood up, giving me a hug.

I left my parents house and decided to take the long way to Carter's house. I don't even know what I'm going to tell him. He was purely excited that me and Mr. Hunk got into a relationship.

All I could think that it was too good to be true.

I finally made it to Carter's house and knocked a few times, revealing the grinning boy, till he saw my condition. He frowned and wrapped his arms around me.

"What'd he do?" Was all he asked, because my only best friend knew why I was upset.

Two hours of swearing and eating an entire tub of strawberry ice cream, I sort of felt better till he kept entering my thoughts. I kept repeating to Carter what had happened but he insisted just like my mother, that maybe he didn't kiss Sandra.

"Are you and mom best friends or something?" I snort as I continue to devour the last bit of ice cream in the tub. Carter laughs lightly and shakes his head.

"Women think alike," I couldn't help the fits of laughter that escaped my lips. I put aside the ice cream and wrapped my arms around Carter's neck, holding him tight as the tears started to run down my cheeks, even though I was laughing.

"Shit am I mess," Carter chuckled and rubbed up and down my back. It reminded me of Harry. Harry's hugs were tight and he was so big and tall and broad, spooning me completely. I hadn't noticed I missed his hugs.

His hugs felt like home.

I pull away and check my phone. Zero messages and zero missed calls.

It made my heart pain even more because I knew it was true. I knew he had kissed her.

I knew I was too willing to a rich man who could get whatever and whomever he wanted.

I'm am idiot with my walls broken down.

All for a forest green eyed man, and a smile that made my heart race faster than his expensive cars.

I snort at my thought.

"I want to sleep, can I spend the night over, Cart?" He smiles gently, nodding.

"Course, love." I slump back against the mattress and close my eyes. I feel Carter put the blanket over my body, kissing my forehead softly, joining me.

Maybe if I slept long enough I could forget about the pain. Maybe if I shut everyone out including my own self, things would be better.

Maybe if I hadn't met Harry Styles, things would've been better.

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I don't feel good at all. And it's not just the chapter ok

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