Serenity [h.s]

Reassurance & a blocked heart

- Now I need your help with everything that I do, I don't want to lie, I've been relying on you.

Everything is unjust. -c

Harry Styles

We've only been at my place a few hours and Summer hasn't spoken two words to me. I honestly don't know why. She seemed alright at the hospital. She was smiling and laughing with her father. Her eyes were crinkling in the most adorable way possible when she would laugh, her smile spreading widely across her flawless face. I only fell more in love with her than I did before.

But it was so odd now; her presence seemed colder than normally and she was sitting across the fireplace, her sweater adorably huge on her petite frame, her hair fanning across her face as she leans slightly, dazing into the fire. Her hands were clutched together tightly and I couldn't watch her like this anymore.

"Babygirl," I call her softly; crouching beside her, taking her hands in mine. She doesn't look at me, although her hands melted into mine she still seemed off.

"Darling, talk to me, what's wrong? You seemed fine back at the hospital," and then her head turned the slightest and her eyes met with mine. They were a dark blue and her nose was red. I raised her hands to my lips, kissing them softly.

Her lips parted and she intakes a sharp breath, resting her head onto my shoulder.

"The real question Mr. Styles, what isn't?" And she kissed my shoulder blade softly, her nose touching my jaw. My heart trembled and my stomach churned badly.

"Talk to me love," I whispered, putting my hands under her legs and lifting her from the couch, letting her sit on my lap, her arms around my shoulders and her face nuzzled in the crook of my neck. I felt tears fall into my flesh and I held her tightly. 

"I thought I was going to lose him," she barely murmurs against my skin, her fingers grazing my neck and digging into my skin. I kissed her jaw and ran my fingers through her brown locks.

"But you didn't," I mumbled and pulled back, looking at her eyes that were fixated else where; rimmed red. She sniffles and rested her head on my shoulder.

"That's the point, I didn't. What if I did?" She asked, her voice barely audible. And I only kissed her head and rested my chin on her shoulder.

"I would've been there for you, baby girl. But you didn't lose him. And you should thank God that your dad is still here with us,"

"That's going to happen to you if you don't stop working so much," she told me; sitting up and grabbing my face in her small frail hands, eyes gazing into mine. She bit her lip and shaked her head.

"Harry you don't understand what I'd do if I lost you; the thought of it-it kills me," Summer rests her forehead against mine and my nose nudges hers as she inhales shakily.

"Baby you'll never lose me, I promise," she only nudges her lips against mine in this chest-agonizing way; fuck she made me weak to the core.

"Don't do that," she mumbles and kisses my nose, going down and leaving feathery like kisses against my skin; my hand clutching her waist, bringing her further against my body.

She was being so soft and delicate; but I was turned on like a motherfucker. "Do what?" I ask her lowly, my eyes shut tightly. The amount of electrified love that was running through my veins right now wasn't humane.

"Don't make promises you can't keep." She pulled away and stood up quicker than my mind could respond to, and my legs somehow followed her as she paced around the house as if she was looking for something. I only couldn't believe what she said and I was trying to process it.

"You think I'd leave you?" I shout behind her, watching her strict movements. She turns around breifly to glare at me and turns back around; running up the stairs and into my bedroom.

I follow her suit and slam the door shut, knowing that my housekeeper could hear everything that was going on.

My eyes landed on Summer as I watched her standing in front of the window, her hands pressed to the glass, her back arched and head thrown to her left shoulder.

"Answer me goddammit," I hiss; clenching my jaw.

"I don't want to answer you because you know the answer. I want to leave," she turns around and faces me; but her ocean eyes never meet mine. No; this time the waves never hit the shore.

"You're not bloody leaving until you answer me, I don't know what you think at this point, why are you suddenly doubting us?"

Her icy eyes find mine in a fragment and she inhales deeply. "I don't doubt us, Harry. I doubt our future."

Her words cut like razors and I was bleeding in every way. My heart was shattering into a million pieces and she was watching. She knew she was breaking me but she still continued to do it.

Summer Lowal was toxic in every way possible; but I wanted to die.

"What is it that you doubt in our future?" My voice lowered an octave and it cracked, so I tried to cover it with a light cough.

Summer folds her arms over her chest and looks down. "We won't make it, Harry. No one ever makes it." I step forward and reach for her hands but she backs away, shutting her eyes tightly as if she was in pain, only didn't she know I was in pain. Because how can she turn so quickly?

"Baby, we can make it. Don't compare us to other people, or your other relationships. Fucking hell, I can't live without you," I bite my lip, trying to suppress any tears that want to escape.

Summer is the first woman to ever make me cry and I don't know what she's doing to me. My hands shake at my side's as the fear of losing her is near, I could feel it though. She was slowly slipping from my fingers and I didn't know what to do. I didn't even know why.

"I love you." It passes my lips barely and I watch a tear slip down her cheek, her body shifting to me. But I was left hopeless as she walked past me and left my room unknowingly.

-----

Summer Lowal

I had asked Harry's driver to take me home. The last three words I heard from him made me break even further. I needed some time alone because of the small incident that had happen. The only way to get space was to tell him my biggest fear and break his heart.

I know I was doing it. But it had to be done. What we had wasn't healthy. We were too attached sometimes, we needed space. Breathing the same air as him makes me weak.

I can't do that all the time. Being weak isn't me. It's not Summer. Summer Lowal isn't a weak woman.

But Harry Styles made her that way. Her made her so damn weak; he changed her completely.

---
(':

so i'm so sorry for this late update. i lost my grandmother recently and this week has been awful for me in so many ways.

my prayers go out to everyone in France, Praris, I love you and i'm sorry if you lost anyone in this tragic event.

the new album is lit, I'm so proud of my boys (-: x

leave some feedback I'd love it!

with love x

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