Criminal VS. Criminal || мαℓιк

27. I Like The Color Cute Boys

27. I Like The Color Cute Boys

Maxxon Chase's P.O.V. :

   Ka-Ploosh!

   Is the sound the toilet makes when an amateur tries to unclog it. I admit, it wasn't my smartest idea, but what else are you supposed to do when you gotta take a major waz at an inhumanely hour? Exactly. Unclog the recently clogged toilet. And if you're wondering what idiot clogged it in the first place, you're right; It was Niall. His toilet was clogged so he took a major wazzing at mine. Rude, I know.

   After cleaning the water off the bathroom floor and reviving myself, I headed into the kitchen. I set the kettle on the stove and turned it on before heading back into the bathroom for a shower. Oh God, how I need this. I stayed at Louis' place the last three days, helping fix the pipes. He wouldn't let me leave until everything was fixed. Guess what he did while I played Plumber? Read through Perez Hilton's recent article, leaving his usual sassy comments here and there. 

   As I started up the water, I finally let myself look in the mirror. Oh, oh God. What. . . What is that beast living inside my mirror? Oh, no. Is it. . . ? No, it can't be. I would never let something this calamitous happen in my house. This is uncalled for. This is terrible. This is abhorrent. This is me in the mornings. 

   Without another glance in the mirror, I stripped myself of my clothing, quickly slipping into the shower. The felt my muscles visibly untense as the warm water ran down my back. Now, this. This, is divine. I spun in circles for a couple moments, making sure every part of me was soaked in warm H2o. 

    I wonder what it feels like to have "tear-free" Head & Shoulders in your eyes. Maybe it really is tear-free and I can stop squeezing my eyes shut and praying that I won't burn my eyes every time I shampoo. Well, only one way to find out. 

   "Holy flying shitcakes! It burns! It burns! It buuuuuuuurns!"

+++

   I walk lazily to the refrigerator, pulling a carton of cookie dough ice-cream. I hold the carton an arm's length away, giving it the most romantic look I could assemble at the moment. I gracefully pull a spoon out of the drawers. I say the simple words known the man:

   "I love you Ben & Jerry's."

   Before ripping the lid off and shoveling a spoon of deliciousness into my mouth. I'm always home alone and all I do is eat Ben & Jerry's from the tub and eat all day. That's the way to go! I wouldn't mind dying from eating too much. . . In fact, that's how I plan on dying. I'd like to die of ice-cream. Ohmigawd. . . That's exactly how I wanna die. This is my new found life goal --

   Ring-A-Ding-Ding

   I spot my phone lighting up on the counter. I groan loudly as I shuffle my feet towards the counter, one arm holding the bucket of Ben & Jerry's, the spoon still in my mouth. It's a Face-Time request. I look down at what I'm wearing. A black tank top, shorts, and one of the silk button-ups Zayn left before he became stinking rich. Good enough. I look back at the screen.