Monster ≫ h.s

2.8

🎵war of hearts by ruelle

"The truth isn't pretty"
h a r r y

A few days had passed, and everything had been bliss. My hands wrapped around the small of her back, pulling get to my chest. My lips traveled from her jaw down to her neck. These past few days were so simple, but I was not a simple person, neither was Maisy.

There was just something building up within me, and like the gates of hell, I was holding back something truly awful. I felt the urge to inflict pain upon someone, for a moment I thought about hurting her. She was so vulnerable right now in my arms. Of course I couldn't do it, I just couldn't- not my lovely angel, anyone but her.

She got out of my lap and sat in the grass. Never in a million years would I truly intentionally hurt her. She laid there, sprawled out, the sun warming her light skin.

I wanted to feel something else, something dark. That only pain could create. I didn't understand why, I only knew it to be an outlet for me. I had always felt pleasure from pain, this was who I was, who I'd been for many years.

I had been doing so well and yet all the happiness she gave me was not enough distract my inner demons. There was something about pain that made everything go away, with pain for a moment my mind was at ease, and when the pain left everything came back.

"It's so pretty out here, don't you think Harry?" She hummed.

I nodded, my eyes never trailing to far from the amount of skin her little grey sundress revealed, what an angel, "gorgeous." I replied.

She turned over on her stomach running her hands through a small patch of wildflowers, her blue eyes flicked towards mine, she focused closely. I knew she could tell...she could see how dark and strained mine were. She knew something was wrong.

"Are you okay?" She asked, her voice laced with concern.

I gave her a small forced smile leaning back in my chair, I didn't want her to uneasy, "I'm fine." after a few seconds of constant staring I knew she hadn't bought my lie, "Do you want the truth, the whole truth."

"Of course, I always do." She replied.

I couldn't bring myself to look at her, because if I did, I knew I would continue this parading, this act. "Sometimes the truth isn't pretty. Are you sure?"

Everything was going so good, and I was going to wreck it. Wreck it like I had wrecked most things in my life. I wish I could be the perfect guy. She nodded her head.

"I love you so much...you know that. The truth is I've been depriving myself, to make you happy. I've been so good these past few weeks really I have, but I... I've been struggling with issues."

She let out a breath, "I-I don't understand."

"Of course you wouldn't baby, the simple fact is I enjoy pain, especially inflicting it. I feed off of dark energy, it powers me, gives me a rush. Everything goes away for a little bit with the pain. I'm telling you this again because I fear if I keep going through this I will hurt you unintentionally."

"No Harry not again, I don't want to have this conversation right now, let's not. Please, it's not going to end well." She pleaded barely hanging on to the idea of paradise and perfection.