It only happened once a year.
It was a day that was all about you - well, mostly.
It was a day spent usually spent with family and friends and that special someone and it was a day filled with happiness and laughter and the joy you only get from being around people you love.
It was a day people remembered.
➳
You wake up the way you always do - with Luke's arms wrapped around you, your back against his chest, his chin resting lightly on the crown of your head.
When you shift slightly, adjusting your position, his arms tighten slightly, and you feel the light sponging of his lips along your shoulder, the cold metal of his lip ring grazing your skin and raising goosebumps.
"Good morning."
Luke whispers this into your skin, pressing the simple words into your shoulder blade. He says these words every morning, something familiar to look forward to whenever the morning sunlight drew patterns on your shared white sheets.
It was that familiarity each morning that spread a warmth over your skin and a sense of something else like contentment that whispered into your being.
But this morning there's a pang of something else in your chest, a pang of something unfamiliar that you're not of.
It's heavy, like the weight of an emotion that wasn't quite unhappiness but it definitely wasn't joy.
It was something bitter on your tongue and a sharp spike in your thoughts and when you realize what it is, it weighs heavier on you.
Disappointment.
It makes you uncomfortable in your skin, causes you to pull away a little, to avoid his eyes when you do. It sends you out of bed and into the bathroom to escape, to try to rid yourself of the weight of the disappointment draped across your shoulders.
The burden stays, and so you go back.
You lie down and you return to your place in his arms.
You lie there with him, waiting.
Today, you were hoping for something else, two different words that were familiar, but not said often.
You wait, but the two words don't come.
Not for the two hours you lie in bed together.
Not when you sit on the kitchen counter, watching him bustle around and making breakfast.
You're quiet as you eat, avoiding his gaze and letting out soft sounds of acknowledgement when he speaks, smiling at the appropriate times and letting out half-hearted laughs when necessary but the disappointment continues to weigh on you.
And underneath the disappointment, you feel guilt - you feel selfish because you just want him to remember, to make you the focus today, on your special day.
But it's not so special when he doesn't remember.
➳
"What's wrong?"
You smile at him in the mirror as you run your fingers through your hair.
You brush it off, at least, for a moment. "Nothing's wrong."
You brush it off, but he can tell there's something behind those forced smiles the strained laughs and your tight eyes.
"Is it something I did?"
Yes.
"No." You force your smile to be a little brighter. "You didn't do anything."
That wasn't totally a lie.
You think it's so silly - how all this could be fixed with two simple words yet he doesn't say them.
You don't want to tell him to say them.
And so you force yourself to come to the conclusion that you had hoped wasn't true.
He forgot your birthday.
It hurt, coming to that conclusion but it was okay because you had gotten phone calls from family members and friends.
It should feel okay but it doesn't because all you care about in this moment is hearing it from the one person who means the most to you but hasn't said it.
You pull away when he holds you for too long because his touch scorches your skin and it brings pain and it all feels so ridiculous but all you want, all you really want is for him to wish you happy birthday.
➳
"Today's a special day."
You perk up a little, looking up from your menu at him, eyes locked with his, expectant.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Why is it special?" You hear yourself ask, but you can only focus on the rising bubble of emotion in you chest.
It's something light, like hope, and the bubble is rising up in you, above you and -
"The How I Met Your Mother marathon is on tonight!"
Your bubble pops, showering despair over you like a torrent rainstorm and it weighs you down again - the disappointment.
There's this goofy grin on his face and his eyes are shining and that's enough for a smile to pull at your lips but your emotions hang heavily off of you and you push down the hurt.
You go home that night, and curl up beside him on the couch cocooned not only in the shared blanket but your own emotions and it's becoming harder to pretend everything is alright and all you can think about is that all you want is for Luke to say it.
Those two words that probably don't mean much to other people but mean so much to you, especially this late in the day when there is only a few hours left before it was all over. You just need those two words - that's all you want.
You're watching who knows what number episode.
You're not paying attention to what's going on in the episode, just idly training your gaze on the woolen fibers of the blanket and hoping that it would just be tomorrow - so you could forget that today ever happened, reminded only by the fact that you are one year older without acknowledgement from the one person you wanted it from.
You begun counting fibers when you hear Luke swear under his breath.
You glance at him, mildly confused about the look he had on his face as he looked from the TV screen to you.
You could practically see the gears shifting in his head as pieces came together but about what?
Your brows furrow together as you follow his gaze to the TV screen where the Ted, Lily, Marshall, and Barney are apparently celebrating a birthday - Robin's.
And then it dawns on you then, and you look over at Luke and there's this expression of absolute shock and devastation and even, surprisingly, anger.
"What?"
You decide to inquire neutrally, as if you hadn't just witnessed your boyfriend realizing that he had forgotten your birthday.
"I forgot your birthday," Luke says, jaw slack. "I can't believe I - " He stops, swallowing, and you can see his Adam's apple bob up and down as he drags a hand down his face, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm a horrible person."
You bite your lip and curl into yourself a bit more. "No, you're not," you say softly, looking down at the carpeted floor.
"I'm a horrible boyfriend," Luke says, sounding absolutely devastated.
"No, you're not," you whisper.
"I forgot your birthday, baby, I'm so sorry - "
"It's okay," you say now, mildly embarrassed now, avoiding his gaze. "It's fine. Really. I - "
"It's not fine," Luke says, sounding almost angry.
"It's okay, Luke, it really is - "
Your eyes widen a little in surprise when Luke appears in front of you, crouched down so he can look you in the eye.
"It's not okay," Luke says firmly, taking your hands in his. "You know it's not." He brushes his thumbs over your knuckles. "Happy birthday, princess," he whispers, pressing his lips to your knuckles. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."
"There's nothing to be sorry about, Luke," You say quietly. "Really - " You stop at the stern look Luke gives you. "Fine. It wasn't okay. At all. But you said it now. That's all that matters."
"I'm sorry, princess," he says.
You level your gaze with his and smile a little. "It's okay, Luke. I forgive you."
Luke chews his lip, then straightens walking away quickly. You watch him go, your forehead creased in confusion as you see him enter the kitchen. You listen as he rummages around, and you hear the refrigerator open and close before he's back, a few items in his hand.
He sits beside you, setting down the new carton of your favorite ice cream. He opens it, and he begins sticking candles into the surface of the ice cream, aranging them neatly, before using the lighter you hadn't even seen to light all of them.
"Because I don't have a cake for you."
A small smile pulls at the corners of your lips.
Luke wraps his arms around you, lips pressed almost to your ear as he sings.
"Happy birthday to you..."
And when he's done, he tells you to make a wish and blow out the candles quickly.
"What did you wish for?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing? That's kind of a waste of a birthday wish, isn't it?"
You smile at him then, eyes searching his face as he smiles back at you, eyes shining.
"I already have everything I want."
