It had been 6 months since the break up. You told everyone that you were fine and you'd moved on, but all it took was to see his photo in a magazine and it took everything in you to stop yourself from falling apart. You felt weak, you hated that losing him had turned you into someone that you barely recognised. Your friends had set you up on dates, all of them disastrous. You didn't want anyone else. You just wanted him. He clearly didn't feel the same way.
While you were hiding away, crying until there were no more tears, overanalysing every detail of the night it ended. Luke was out in a different club with a different girl every night. The media liked to point this out, whilst questioning how his ex-girlfriend was coping with the images of various girls wrapped around the love of her life. The answer was: she wasn't coping well.
"Y/N, ignore the photos. He's not dealing with this well, he's drinking too much and he won't talk about it with any of us. Please, talk to him. He needs you." Was the last message you'd received from Calum. All three of them had text you over the months, asking how you were and informing you that the media was distorting how Luke was coping with losing you. You'd replied to them saying you were fine and that Luke would be too. The former was a lie, the latter was simply to appease them. You knew Luke didn't need or want you. Accepting that was the hard part.
"Hello?" Your voice is shaky as you answer the call from Ashton.
"Hey" he replies, quietly, "I'm glad you answered."
"You've never rang me before," you shrug, before realising he can't see you, "what is it?"
"We all really miss you, and it's my birthday next week so we're having a party and were..."
"Absolutely not" you cut him off.
"Y/N, just hear me out!" He already has his argument ready, "Luke is a mess, I'm not going to pretend otherwise, but you were our friend before you were his girlfriend. I want you here. We all want you here. Please?" He doesn't pause to give you time to interrupt.
"I-I can't, Ash" you feel the tears in your eyes, "I can't see him and have him look at me like...like I'm no one to him."
"That's funny, because he said the exact same thing about you"
-
This was a mistake. You know you shouldn't have come tonight, but after the phone call from Ashton and a million and one texts from the other two, you'd given in. You just needed to avoid Luke. That wouldn't be too difficult, right?
"I'm so glad you're here" Calum rushed over to you, picking you up to hug you, "I've missed you."
"I've missed you too" you mutter, hugging him tightly.
"Come on, let's get you a drink" he takes your hand, but instead of leading you to the bar in the middle of the room, he takes you around the edge of the dark room, keeping you hidden by his body.
"Cal, what are you doing?" You scrunch your nose in confusion.
"It's just quieter this way" he shrugs, his voice too high.
"Oh my god" the realisation hits you.
"Y/N, it was just easier this..."
"He doesn't know I'm here" your voice is monotonous.
"No" he looks sheepish, at least, "we didn't tell him you'd said yes to coming. He's fragile enough as it is.."
"Yeah, he seems it" you say, bitterly, "all those girls he's seen with, he looks really cut up about it."
"He's not coping well, he's handling it badly, but he's a mess" Calum sighs, "you just need to see him and talk to him, please."
"I hate you all right now" you say through gritted teeth.
"I know, but we only did it because we love you both" he gives you a small smile. He takes your hand again and pulls you through the darkness.
"Y/N?!" You hear the too familiar voice and it takes everything in you not to run.
"H-hi" you mutter, turning to face the reason your heart was breaking. For someone who apparently wasn't coping well, he looked more than fine.
"What are you doing here?" He stutters.
"It's Ash's birthday, he invited me" you want to go home, you shouldn't have come. He didn't want you back, he was fine without you in his life. As if on cue, a girl bounded over and draped herself over him.
"Y/N..." He began, trying to disentangle himself from her.
"I need a drink" your voice lacks any emotion, as you make your way to the bar.
"Y/N!" Luke follows you, "that isn't...it's not...I didn't think I'd see you here."
"Luke, you're single, you can do what you want" you stare straight ahead.
"That's bullshit and you know it" his voice is angry.
"You broke up with me" you spin round to face him, "you ended it, you can do whatever the fuck you want. I came here for my friend's birthday, because he asked me to. Stay away from me."
"This isn't over, Y/N," he shakes his head, "you wouldn't look so pissed off if this was over."
"It is over, you ended it" you say through gritted teeth.
"And it was the worst thing I've ever done" his voice is quiet.
"Well, you did it" you swallow to try and stop the tears, "it's over."
"You don't mean that," he shakes his head, "come on, come with me." He prises your hand from the bar and drags you across the room. You know you should walk away, but his fingers laced through yours give you the same spark they always did. The way he makes you feel hasn't changed.
"Luke, where are you taking me?" You tug on his hand.
"Home" he squeezes your hand in reply.
"What about the girl you're with?" you can't hide the venom in your voice.
"I'm not with her, I haven't been with anyone" you scoff at his response, "I promise you, I haven't. I don't want anyone if they're not you." He pulls you to face him once you're outside. His hand comes up to your face, his calloused thumb slowly grazing your cheek.
"I hate you" you try to make your voice sound convincing.
"No, you don't" he whispers, kissing your lips gently. The feel of his fingers and his lips against your skin, the familiar scent you'd missed so much, you couldn't bare to pull away from him, "I've missed you so much, baby." He murmurs, kissing along your jawline.
"What do you want from me?" You breathe out.
"You, I just want you" his hands grip your waist, "come home with me."
You want to say no, you want to walk away, but you can't think properly. It's this exact reason that you find yourself being pushed into his apartment and being pressed up against the door. His hands are trailing down your body, pulling you against his own.
"God, I've missed you" his fingers lace through your hair, forcing you to look at him.
"I-I...you...just fuck me, Luke" you grip his shirt, telling him you want it off.
"As you wish, Princess" he grins, he lifts you up and carries you until you feel your back hit his bed. He places gentle kisses down your body, as his fingers trace patterns on your bare thighs. His actions are too slow, you're becoming impatient.
"Luke, will you do something?" You tug at his hair.
"It has been 6 months, love" he softly bites your inner thigh, "I will enjoy every second of this, I'll take my time."
"But I need you" you whine.
"I'll take care of you, baby. Just be patient." He chuckles against your skin. You know you're going to regret this in the morning, sleeping with your ex-boyfriend didn't suggest closure, but you'd missed him. Missed the feel of him, the way he seemed to understand your body better than you did, the feel of his stubble against your skin, the sound of his moans as he'd repeat your name over and over again. You missed him, and right now, you needed him.
-
Your face is buried in his neck, as he holds you tightly against his body, his arms showing no sign of letting you go. Both of you are silent, you don't know where you stand with him now, but the regret is sinking in.
"I have to go" you attempt to push away from him.
"Please, don't leave me" he begs, pulling you back to him.
"That shouldn't have happened" you shake your head, "I can't believe I let you...that happen! God, I'm an idiot."
"No, baby, don't say that," his eyes look desperate, "please, give me another chance. I was never home and I thought you'd be better without me. I was so stupid to let you go, and I know that I should let you find someone better than me, but I can't. I'm selfish and I want you back. I tried to move on, but I can't do it. Please, give me another chance." He barely pauses for breath.
"I'm never better off without you" you whisper.
"Then stay with me, don't leave" he wipes the tears from your cheeks. You nod and find yourself back in his arms, with him murmuring that he loves you against your hair.
