Winter Break -- VERY SLOWLY EDITING

Chapter 15

******Melody's P.O.V.*******
The next day on the bus I was sitting by myself gripping my arm. Earlier in the morning it had started to itch and when I scratched it I had reopened my cuts by accident. So I was holding my arm hoping it wouldn't start bleeding. We stopped at Nate's bus stop. He was the fifth one on the bus from his stop. When he got on he looked directly at me, I just put my earbuds in. The second person before him, who's name I believe was Andrew, he pointed at the seat and I nodded. I usually didn't like sitting next to people I didn't know but I was going to do anything in my will power to keep Nate from sitting with me. So he sat in front of me. I saw Andrews mouth moving but I didn't hear what he said. I took my wlearbuds off. "Excuse me, what did you say?"
"Oh I was just saying you're really pretty." I looked him in the eye and smilied, "Thank you." What he asked next made my gut lurch. "D-do you have a boyfriend?" I looked over at the seat in front of me. I saw Nate sit up straight. "Well, no. No. I don't." It was true. "But if you were inferring to the fact that you wanted to ask me out the answer would be no because I'm not ready to be in a serious relationship. He looked down at his feet. I felt so bad. This kid, Andrew, who I've never seen before I hurt him. I just grabbed my sleeves and pulled them over my arms a little more.
When we finally got to the school Nate had gotten off of the bus first. I waited till everyone else was off before I left. When I stepped down he was waiting for me. I tried to avart him but he grabbed my arm. "Let go of me Nathan." He froze. I never used his real name. "Why. Why are you doing this!" I yelled at him. I didn't care if I was causing a scene. He let go. But it was to late. My cuts had already reopened again. Blood was dripping down my arm. Slowly but it was still noticeable. He looked horrified. He grabbed my uninjured arm and pulled me behind the school wall. He put his arms on the wall next to my head. I thought he was going to yell. But he grabbed my arm and pulled up my sleeve. "Why? Why did you do this? Was it because of me?" I looked him in the eye. I didn't say anything. But he understood. "It was wasn't it? Damn it. I'm the worse person alive. I've caused you to go through so much hell. I'm sorry." Then he just left. "Wait." I whispered. But it was carried away by the wind. I walked to first period by myself. I felt like I was a zebra at a lion party. The day went by super fast. When I got home I went straight up stairs ignoring everybody trying to talk to me. I heard a knock on my door. "Melody?" He walked in. It was my older brother Jake. He was in college now. But every now and then he would come home. "What do you want?" I didn't bother to get up. He sat at the edge of my bed. "Is everything alright. You seem kind of- distant."
"So what?"
"I know something is bothering you."
"Nope. Nothing I'm one hundred percent fine."
"No you aren't."
"Yes. I am. Now get out."
"Okay." He left.
I didn't go down for dinner that night. Or for a matter of fact the next few days. I didn't eat lunch or breakfast either. I could tell I was loosing weight. But that's what I wanted. I wanted to be perfect. I wanted to know why Nate left me and went back to Ashley. I wanted to finally be excepted. But that's not reality. Reality is I'm never going to be perfect, loved, or excepted. Actually Nate leaving was like a reality check for me. The next few days at school went on just like every other day. Getting called a slut and ugly and fat. "But hey, you can't get upset if they are telling you the truth." I told Tessa. "That is not true!" She practically shouted. "You are perfect and skinny. You actually look like you are getting skinnier too. Are you eating?" I looked at her and raised an eyebrow at her. My usual sign for 'Why are you even actually asking this question? You already know the answer.' She kept quiet for awhile. "Plus you are the farthest thing from a slut."
"Maybe you're right."
"Maybe I am."
"Maybe you aren't."
"Maybe I'm no- hey. Not nice." I let out a light chuckle. Maybe the first real one I've had in a long time.
That night when I was at my house yet again I skipped dinner. Again. I was laying on my bed with my ear buds in blasting what society calls it "Emo" music. But someone walked in and slammed the door shut. I sat up getting ready to yell when I say it was Jake. And he had tears in his eyes. I took of my ear buds and told him to sit down. "Melody," he grabbed my arm and pulled up my sleeve. "Why? And you need to eat. I don't want any arguments." He handed me an apple and I got teary eyed. I gave my big brother a hug. He hugged me back and said, "Melody. Why aren't you eating. Why did you cut yourself?" He let go of me but held my shoulders still. "I- I need to be perfect." I whispered. I knew if out of any of my family members Jake knew what I was talking about. I took a bite of the apple. "I'm going to leave now okay. Promise me you will eat and stop cutting." He walked over to the door and I played down again and asked.
"I'm sorry if this sounds weird. But can you stay with me until I fall asleep?" He looked a little shocked but I could tell that he understood. He knew right now I had no one there to talk to. So he sat down on my window seat. And I fell asleep.
It was an empty blackness. "You whore go drink bleach and die in a ditch" Who, who is saying this. I covered my ears. No. No I'm not. I'm not a whore. No no no no. I'm better then that. I'm stronger then my inner demons!