Better

Chapter 8

When Tanner woke me up the next morning, I instantly felt sick. We'd come up with a plan that would make it so I didn't have to see my parents. He would go sit and watch them at the service. If they got up, he'd come get me. But the thought of being in the same state, town, building, as them terrified me.

We brought some nice clothes so we would blend into the crowd. Luckily, we mostly wore the same sizes. It was weird to wear clothes that weren't ripped or dirty. Not caring how I looked had been my life for so long. Feeling completely clean felt good.

My hair hung to my shoulders, so I usually just tied it up on the top. But today, Tanner made me brush it out. He said it made me look cleaner. But I was pretty sure he just liked running his fingers through it.

"Do I remind you of an ex-girlfriend with my hair down?" I asked him, surprised that I was able to make jokes.

"It's not funny."

"I'm sorry. It's just confusing."

"You're telling me." He sighed, "Keaton, I thought was straight before I met you."

"So what are you then?" I asked him.

He was quiet, parking the car in front of the church and shutting it off before he answered me.

"In love." He said, kissing me quickly before opening the door, "That's all I know."

I wanted to hold his hand when we walked inside. But we were about to be surrounded by Christians. An obvious gay couple would definitely get noticed. So instead, I kept my hands in my pockets.

"Those two." I said to Tanner when I spotted my parents, "The guy in the red shirt and the lady with glasses next to him."

We were standing outside the room, peeking through a set of doors. Tanner found who I was talking about and nodded.

"Okay, go find your brother."

I slipped down a hallway, finding the Sunday school room with ease. I'd been forced to come here every Sunday as a child. So nothing was new to me. For a minute, I just stood outside the room. I could see him through the window. He was nine now, but he hadn't changed much since I'd last seen him. I was just scared that he was angry at me for leaving.

I finally got the courage to knock on the door when I remembered my time was limited.

"Yes?" The woman who answered it asked.

She was the same old woman who'd taught me. So it was a little offended that she didn't recognize me at first. But, I guess I'd changed.

"Can I see Liam for a minute?"

"Oh my. Keaton Leight?"

Before I could confirm my identity, a child ran up behind her. My heart sank a little when our eyes met.

"Hey, Liam." I said quietly.

He just looked at me for a second, completely shocked. Then he looked up at his teacher. She nodded, telling him it was fine to go.

When the door to the classroom closed, Liam tightly wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Mom said you were dead!" He said happily.

"Mom lied." I told him.

I knelt down so I was at his level. He stood there, smiling wildly. I thought it was funny how much we looked alike. He looked almost exactly like I had when I was nine. But our lives at that age were much different. He seemed happy, and I was glad.

"Listen, Liam. I don't have a lot of time to talk."

"But you're back." He said, "You didn't die."

"I know. But that doesn't mean I can stay. I don't want mom and dad to see me."

"But-"

"Liam, I came back to tell you I'm sorry. I shouldn't have disappeared and I'm sorry for doing it."

"It's okay, Keaton." He said, "You weren't happy. I want you to be happy."

My heart broke a little when I heard him say that. He was so young, and I hadn't seen him in two years. But this kid still cared about me. He was the first person who ever had, and he hadn't stopped.

"Are you happy, Keaton?"

"I'm getting there."

I spent a few minutes talking to him about the last two years. Obviously, most of it was a lie. I wasn't going to let my nine year old brother know how badly things had ended up for me. So I lied and told him I moved to Boston and got a cozy job. I made my life seem as uninteresting as possible. He needed to think I was okay.

We'd only been talking for five minutes when I heard footsteps running down the hall. I knew it was Tanner before he came around the corner.

"Babe, she's coming this way."

"Why?" I gasped.

"I don't know. But she's not that far behind me."

I turned back to Liam. He looked devastated.

"I have to go." I said, hugging him tightly.

"When are you coming back?" He asked me.

"I don't know. Soon. I promise."

I hated myself for saying that. I couldn't promise him anything.

I said goodbye, then went to Tanner. I grabbed his hand as I went by him, but we didn't get far. When we walked by the hallway, she was already coming up it.

"Keaton Richard Leight!" She yelled after us.

I stopped walking. I wasn't sure if it was out of fear or exhaustion. I just knew I had to do it.

"We can run." Tanner said to me.

"No." I sighed, "I can't."

I let go of his hand and walked back to the opening of the hallway. I could see her more clearly now. She stopped about ten feet from me. Her long brown hair was tied back in a ponytail, and her thin glasses sat on the end of her nose. She looked like a typical mom now. But I knew that inside, she was evil.

"You told him I died?" I asked her.

"Honey, I thought you did."

"I bet you would've loved that."

"What are you talking about?" She gasped, "Keaton, you're my baby. I never want you to get hurt."

"That's such bullshit!"

She was trying to act as if the past hadn't happened. She'd always done that when we were in church. She thought God could see her better there. If we'd not been there, things would have been much different.

"Look, I just came to apologize to Liam. He deserves to know I'm not dead." I snapped, "I know you don't care, but I'm happy now. I actually matter to someone. So, thank you for not killing me. But, fuck you for the hell you put me through. I'm sure God's fucking proud, you manipulative sociopath!"

I grabbed Tanner's hand again and walked away. I'd said what I'd needed to say. There was no point in fighting her. It wouldn't resolve anything. Nothing could fix this.

When we got in the car, I started sobbing. But I wasn't sad. I was just so relieved. I could feel the weight falling from my shoulders. I'd confronted the problem. Now, I finally felt like I could try to recover.