Better

Chapter 7

"Can I ask you something?"

At 2:45 am, Tanner and I were lying in bed. We hadn't done anything besides kiss tonight. And I didn't mind one bit.

"Of course." Tanner yawned, lacing his fingers between mine again.

"What is this now?"

It was late, or early, and my mind was drifting into deep, after midnight thought.

"What do you want it to be?" Tanner asked me.

"Your decision."

"Well," he said, kissing me quickly, "I've sort of already assumed we'd be together, but-"

"Yes." I interrupted.

"You sure?" He asked, "You don't think it's too fast to be so serious about it?"

"I'd be insane to turn you down."

He just smiled, kissing me again and pulling the blanket over our shoulders.

"I have another question."

"Shoot."

"How aren't you taken?"

"I am." He laughed, "By you."

"I mean before. You're perfect. How hasn't someone else locked you down yet?"

"I'm not perfect, Keaton."

"Damn close."

I slid my fingers through his hair, then down his face and onto his back. He just closed his eyes, taking in the comfort while I continued.

"You're kind, and honest, and all kinds of smart." I said quietly, "Not to mention that you're drop dead gorgeous."

"You're pretty special too. You know that right?"

I was silent. Even though I was feeling better about my life, I still couldn't say I liked myself.

"You're tough, Keaton. I know you made some mistakes. But you grew up in hell. The fact that you're still here tells me that you're stronger than anyone I know."

He kissed me again, opening his eyes to look at me when he leaned away.

"Not to mention, you're amazing at that."

"I've had a lot of practice." I said, automatically feeling dirty.

"No." Tanner sighed, running his hand over my chest, "Not like that. I'm sure you've never kissed anyone else like that. That's mine."

I felt my body heat up as the words rolled off his tongue. It was a weird feeling for me. I'd had sex plenty of times. But I'd never really wanted it. I'd never wanted someone as badly as I wanted him, in every possible way.

I could tell that he was having the same thought I was. He looked like he was struggling not to kiss me. But he also looked scared.

"I have to tell you something." He said quietly.

"Okay." I smiled, tracing his cheekbone with my thumb.

"I've never... I mean I have, it's just. Fuck." He groaned, "I've never been attracted to a guy before."

"What?"

"I mean, before now. I've only ever dated girls. I've only ever looked at girls. Never in my life have I wanted a boy. But I want you. I know I want you."

I was silent, waiting for him to continue.

"I'm a virgin." He said quietly, acting like I'd think less of him. "At least, with this I am. I've had sex with girls. Just, not this."