Better

Chapter 6

A week passed. I spent that time falling harder and harder for Tanner, getting over withdrawal, and trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do next. All I knew was that my last dose of Heroin was no longer in my system. But, I was still addicted to it. Just getting through withdrawal doesn't set you free.

I was sitting on the couch in Tanner's living room, attempting to get through the first chapter of a Stephen King book I'd found on the table. It wasn't that it wasn't a good book. I was just extremely distracted. Yesterday, Chris had taken me to get tested. In a few hours, I'd know if I was sick or not.

By three oclock, I'd given up on the book. Now I was lying on the couch, staring at my arms, running my fingers over the scars, and thinking. The claw marks were there to stay. But the tracks, the pin holes, they were fading. I knew I should be happy. A normal person would be happy. But I wasn't a normal person.

I was still a damaged kid with a drug addiction. But now, I was a damaged kid with a drug addiction and people who cared about me. Over the last two years, Heroin had been the only thing that made me feel good. So letting it go felt like losing a friend.

"Keaton!" Chris shouted, not noticing me on the couch when he ran into the house.

"Right here."

"Here!" He said, handing me an envelope, "Your results came in!"

I took the envelope from him. He hadn't opened it yet. For a second, I just held it, running my fingers along the edges. This held my future. Reading it would tell me if I would ever get to do something about the feelings I had, for the only boy I'd ever had them for.

I ripped open the paper, not bothering to be neat. With every line, I got more surprised. With the amount of men I'd slept with, I didn't think it was possible.

"I'm completely clean." I said quietly, not looking up from the paper.

"Dude, that's awesome!" Chris gasped, "Tanner's gonna be so happy!"

I couldn't respond to him, because now I was crying. I hated letting myself do it. But I was just so overwhelmed. First, a stranger decided to help me save myself. Second, I end up falling for him, and he falls back. And then, my risky lifestyle hadn't gotten me sick. My life was finally looking up, and I didn't know how to handle it.

"Hey, man. Don't cry. You're okay."

Chris sat down beside me and placed an arm around my shoulder. Two people, a friend and a... something. Two people cared about my feelings, about me.

"I've never had so much good happen to me." I said, managing to catch my breath, "I'm not used to happiness that's not drug induced."

"Well, get ready for more. Tanner will be back in an hour. He's probably going to cry too."

"Why would he cry?" I asked him.

Chris was quiet for a second, deciding if he should say what he was thinking.

"I think he loves you, Keaton."

"He's known me for a week." I sighed, "He can't love me yet."

I didn't know why I was denying it. I knew I loved him. I'd known since that first night. When he pulled his body close to mine, wrapped his arm around my waist, and used my chest as a pillow; I knew that that was all I wanted. I wanted someone to want me; and I wanted it to be him.

"Tanner's always been really readable for me. He literally can't hide anything." Chris smiled, "The other night while you were in the shower, I asked him why he was doing this for you. He said when he pulled you off the street, he was just being decent. But once you woke up, he wanted to watch you get better. He said it was too soon when I asked if he thought he loved you. But, I don't know. I'm pretty sure he was lying. Like, that boy's got it bad."

I felt myself blush, but Chris didn't call me on it. So for the next hour, we just sat around talking and messing with Tanner's camera. When Tanner pulled up the driveway, Chris got up.

"I'm gonna go. Have fun."

I stayed on the couch when Tanner came inside. I'd decided to mess with him a little. So I sat there and tried to look like I was upset.

"Something happen?" Tanner asked once he'd closed the door.

He sat down on the couch beside me. I held my head in my hands, quickly handing him the envelope. When he read where it was from, he froze.

"You got tested?" He asked quietly, "Tell me it's good news."

"See for yourself." I sighed.

I picked my head up so I could watch him read it. The shift between fear and ecstasy was amazing. He put down the paper, and without saying a word, was sitting in my lap.

He pinned me to the back of the couch, carefully pushing my hair out of my face. I watched him smiling, tears sitting in his eyes. He brushed them away, leaning forward to rest his forehead against mine.

"You're such a jerk." He said, smiling through his seriousness.

"I'm sorry. I had to."

"You could have just told me instead of scaring the hell out of me."

I watched him quietly for a minute. It was cute that he wanted to act mad. But I could see how excited he actually was.

"Can I tell you something?" I asked him, lifting a hand to his face.

He was silent for a second, shivering as I ran my thumb along his cheekbone.

"Okay."

I closed my eyes for a second, taking in the last seconds before I'd have to face his reaction. I wanted to remember this as a good moment, just in case I ended up regretting it.

"I'm in love with you, Tanner."

I watched his eyes brighten even more than they already had. He bit his lips, then slowly leaned forward to let them touch mine. I don't think I can accurately describe the euphoria I felt at that moment. This was the first time I'd ever kissed a person that I actually wanted to kiss. This wasn't about money or drugs. This was about me and him. Nothing else mattered.

The kiss was slow at first, allowing me to take it in with all of my senses. The sound of his breaths, the smell of his cologne, the feeling of his body moving against mine, the taste of his tongue, and the darkness that allowed me to feel it all on a deeper level.

We spent the rest of the night like that. On the couch, holding onto each other, making up for the days we'd spent not kissing. Each and every time was as intense as the first. And every time we'd stop, Tanner would say the same thing.

"I love you too."