Better

Chapter 10

I'd never really done anything where I had to dress up before. Tanner couldn't get over how cute he thought it was that I didn't know how to tie a tie. I tried to let it, but no amount of kisses or cameras being shoved in my face could distract me from the information I'd just been given. Nothing made me less angry.

I sat in the front seat on the way to the restaurant. Tanner hadn't ever lived with his dad, so they weren't very close. But he really liked me for some reason. Despite my history, he approved of me being with his son. I didn't really care about the approval. I would have kept dating Tanner without it. But I had to admit that having it made me feel better about myself.

The restaurant was definitely the fanciest place I'd ever been. So I felt extremely out of place. But I forgot about that as we approached the table. He was already sitting down. A woman sat beside him, who I assumed was his wife. It made me sick that she probably had no idea.

"Dave, Tanner! It's been a while." He said, standing up and opening his arms.

I watched Tanner hug him, then his wife; digging my nails into my palms until he was back at my side.

"And you're Keaton?" He asked me, "Tanner's boyfriend?"

"I am."

"Ah! Good to meet you." He said, extending a hand to me, "I'm Rick Thomas."

I shook it, knowing that I'd be letting Tanner down if I didn't.

The conversations were mostly just Rick and Tanner's father catching up until the food came. I kept my hand clasped to Tanner's beneath the table. Every time he had to speak to Rick, he'd squeeze my hand tighter. Knowing that he was struggling was killing me.

"So, Keaton." Rick said, suddenly directing the conversation to me, "I hear you were involved in some, untraditional buisness. What was that like?"

Everyone besides Rick was silent for a second, shocked.

"Did you really just ask me to describe what being a prostitute is like?"

"I'm not meaning to be rude. I've just never met anyone who's been involved in that line of work."

I waited for a second, thinking. He knew that I knew what he'd done to Tanner. He felt threatened, so he was trying to make himself look better.

"Well, it wasn't fun. It was dangerous and soul crushing. But, everything that happened was always consensual."

The last thing was a lie. I'd been raped a couple of times. But I hadn't been human enough to care. Tanner kicked my leg beneath the table. I knew he was going to get mad at me for saying it. But the only ones who understood the comment were Tanner, Rick, and I.

"And what about your addiction?" Rick continued, "I hear you've done pretty well getting over it."

"He's done extremely well." Tanner snapped.

"Well congratulations. Rehabilitation isn't usually easy."

"Would you know?"

"Well, not personally. But-"

"I'm going to the bathroom." I said, standing up from the table.

I wasn't going to sit there and listen to him try to talk to me about something he didn't understand. He didn't deserve any kind of respect from me.

I left before anyone could say anything else. But I didn't go to the bathroom. I left the restaurant and sat down on a bench outside. I pulled out my pack of cigarettes from my pocket and smoked four of them. Since quitting heroin, I'd taken up chain smoking.

It was no where near the same thing. It didn't give me the feeling I wanted. I wanted the burn. But cigarettes were the closest thing I could get to drugs without actually relapsing. Tanner had given me too much to give in purely because I missed the feeling. I couldn't let myself give up so easily.

"Bad day?" A man who stood beside me asked.

He'd come outside to smoke too. But he was done now. He'd just needed one.

"You could say that." I sighed.

Looking at him, you could tell that fancy wasn't his thing either. He had three piercings in one of his ears, and fading tattoos showing at his wrists and neck. As soon as I noticed what kind of guy he was, I had a question.

"Do you have a knife on you?"

"You lookin' to kill somebody?" He laughed.

"No. That's not it." I sighed.

"Then, yeah. I have a knife."

"Can I borrow it?"

He pulled it out of his pocket, flipping out a four inch blade. I thought it was funny how easily he handed a weapon to a stranger. But I just took it, quickly walking into the parking lot.

Rick had made the mistake of bragging about his brand new Mercedes-Benz. Lucky for me, there was only one matching the description on the lot. So I could fuck with Rick without being nervous about hurting anyone else.

Without much more thinking, I took out my anger on the hunk of metal. When I was finished, all the doors were scratched, and each tire had a gash in it. I wasn't sure if I felt less angry or just tired. But I did feel a bit better now.

"Someone do you wrong?" The man asked me when I gave his knife back.

"Not me." I told him.

He nodded to me, telling me that that was enough of a reason to him.

I didn't say anything during the rest of the dinner. When I sat down, Tanner took my hand again. So at least I knew he wasn't mad, yet.

I managed to get through the rest of the dinner without making eye contact with Rick. But when we all walked out of the restaurant, I couldn't stop staring at the back of his head and wishing that my eyes were guns. The man who'd leant me the knife was outside, helping an older woman into his car. He saw me, saw Tanner holding my hand, smiled, and nodded to us. Tanner was confused about how we knew each other. But it didn't take him long to understand.

"My car!" Rick shouted.

Tanner's dad was already in his car, so he didn't hear Rick scream. Tanner and I quickly got in and shut the doors. We both knew that that jackass deserved it. But we didn't need to be around to watch what happened.

The ride home was mostly silent. Tanner's dad talked about how he thought the dinner went. But otherwise, I just watched Tanner staring at me through the rear view mirror. He had this look in his eyes that I found really hard to look away from. I could see a little bit of annoyance in the look. I'd sort of broken my promise. I freaked out. But I didn't do it in front of anyone. So maybe he wouldn't mind.

The other thing I saw in the look was gratitude. He'd never had anyone else who knew about what happened to him. Even though he'd said he didn't want me to act on my anger, I could tell that he was kind of happy I had.