Better

Chapter 16

If I said being a parent was easy, I'd be lying. But I'd also be lying if I said I didn't love it.

Four years passed, and a lot of things changed. Alyssa had moved out a few months ago, so it was just Tanner, Lua, and I now. I'd covered most of my arms, and other parts of my body, with tattoos. Two years ago, I'd made Tanner my husband, and gotten my last name added to Lua's. My life was going pretty damn well.

It was a Friday evening in late November. A normal twenty two year old would have been out at a party or a bar, getting drunk and looking for a hookup. But I'd never been normal. So instead, I was at the grocery store with a tiny human sitting on my shoulders.

"Dad, are we getting cookies?" Lua gasped when we went into the sweets aisle.

"Don't we always, Lu?"

She lunged forward to grab a box off the shelf, almost knocking me off balance. As I reached to keep her up, she just laughed. I smiled to myself, loving the sound, and continued down the aisle.

As we waited in the checkout line, Lua stood beside me. She held tightly to my jeans with one hand, and searched through a shelf of candy with the other.

"She's adorable." The older woman behind me cooed after I unintentionally made eye contact with her, "How old is she?"

Lua jumped up and quickly answered before I could, then dropped again to continue her quest to find the perfect candy.

"Four was my favorite age for my kids." The woman said next.

"I've liked them all so far." I smiled, "She's amazing."

"I guess she looks just like her mom, right? I wouldn't have thought she was yours if I hadn't heard her call you Dad."

Her comment had been completely innocent and friendly. But I heard it all the time. It always stung a little.

"No, actually." I said, "She's her dad's twin."

The woman looked confused. I continued before she could ask questions.

"She's mine legally, but my husband's biologically. So, she looks like her dad. Just, her other dad. Right, Bean?"

"Yes." She said, though I don't think she was really listening.

The woman was quiet for a second. She didn't look disgusted. But she still looked a little confused.

"I have nothing against homosexuality." She said finally, "But, how exactly does that kind of relationship work?"

"Do you have a husband?" I asked her.

"Yes, I do."

"Okay. Well, it's exactly like that. But we have to explain ourselves to people."

"And it's not hard on the baby?"

"She's never known anything else." I shrugged, putting the last of my things on the counter, "She has two dads who love her, and each other. She doesn't need a mom."

"This one!" Lua said, holding up the chocolate bar she'd chosen.

After Lua's interruption, the woman didn't say anything else to me. She just nodded politely, and let us finish checking out.

"We're home!" Lua yelled as we rushed into the apartment.

Before I could stop her, she'd jumped on the couch, right on top of Tanner.

"Daddy!" She squealed, beating on his chest with her little fists.

"Hey, Bean." He yawned, stretching as he woke up.

"Rough day?" I asked as I set the grocery bags on the kitchen table.

"Just long."

By then he'd sat up, and Lua had disappeared to her bedroom. I went over to Tanner, leaning over the back of the couch so I could kiss him.

"How was your day?" He asked me.

"Fine." I said, "Went to work, got lunch with Lu and your mom, hung out here for a bit, and went grocery shopping. What about you?"

"Work, school, talked to that lady I'm working with tomorrow." Tanner yawned.

"Why did they schedule that for a Saturday?" I sighed sitting down beside him on the couch, "We don't get out of bed on Saturdays."

"At least it's early. I'll be home by two. And I got my mom to take Lua after lunch because I really need sleep, or sex. Not sure which first though."

He moved his legs over mine, and rested his head on my chest. But we only got about two minutes of much needed physical contact before Lua came back.

"Can we watch this?" She asked, holding a Disney dvd out to us.

"Will you go to bed right after?" I asked.

"But-"

"Lua, Daddy really needs to sleep. But he wants to watch the movie with us. So as soon as it's over, we all have to go to bed. Okay?"

She walked closer, climbing up onto Tanner's lap. He opened his tired eyes when she started patting his cheek.

"Sleepy, sleepy, Daddy." She mumbled, turning over so that she was facing the screen.

Luckily, I could get the movie on demand. There was no way I was getting up to put in the dvd.

Lua fell asleep about forty minutes in. Now, she and Tanner were both passed out in my lap. I sat quietly for a while, watching her cling to his chest as one of his hands held tightly to her back. Moments like this were my favorite. The two loves of my life, calm and safe.

"Babe, wake up." I whispered to Tanner, leaning to kiss his temple, "Let's put her in bed."

"Do we have to go to bed?" He asked, his tired voice somehow sounding suggestive.

"Aren't you tired?" I said quietly.

"You're worth being exhausted."

He got up quickly and brought Lua to her bedroom. Then we spent five minutes cleaning up the apartment to make sure she wouldn't get up again. After I peaked in to find that Lua was still out cold, I pulled Tanner into our bedroom.

Half an hour later, we were finished, and both pretty wiped. We layed face to face as Tanner drew cirlces on my chest with his fingers. I was silent, admiring the man I'd had the privilege of loving for the last few years.

"Seriously feels like we hadn't done that in three months." Tanner sighed, smiling at me.

"Baby, it was three days." I laughed.

He was quiet for a second, yawning as he turned over. I pulled him closer, hooking my arm around his waist.

"Remember the couple months before Lua was born? All we had to do was lock the door so Alyssa wouldn't walk in. Now we have to make sure our kid is asleep. I have the sex drive of a teenager, but the responsibilities of a middle aged adult."

"Are you saying you want me to have sex with you more?" I laughed, kissing the back of his neck, "Because I can do that. I can go again right now if you want."

He jabbed his elbow into my stomach, laughing. He had a child and a long term relationship. But for some reason, the word "sex" still embarrassed him.

"I just... I don't know. I love Lua. I wouldn't trade her for anything. But sometimes I wish I'd gotten a little more time to be a kid before I started raising one."

"But you didn't. That's not your life."

"I know." He sighed, slipping his hand into mine, "I'm glad this is my life."