next door » joshler [book #1]

thirty three » smoke

the texts from mitch are a daily occurrence now. the second one comes as josh is sitting alone in the apartment, mindlessly watching tv to get his mind off of things.

mitch: the boy isnt an idiot. hes gonna find out.

briefly, josh considers just how bad it could be if he texted mitch back. surely it wouldn't be terrible, would it? he needs to prove a point. tyler isn't going to find out. not now, not ever.

mitch: its almost comical how you think your relationship will survive when youre both hiding so much.

now it's just getting stupid. tyler doesn't hide anything from him. the thing that josh is hiding is something he's never told anyone, so it doesn't count. besides, it could probably ruin his life if it got out.

he flicks the tv off and heads to the window, pushing it open and leaning on the windowsill, his eyes surveying the city as his fingers slip into his pocket to find a cigarette.

slowly, he brings it to his lips and lights it. the taste of nicotine is refreshing and he exhales, smoke curling from his lips. one more thing that tyler isn't ever going to know about.

mitch: you really think tyler doesnt have secrets? wake up and see the real world, baby doll. everyone has secrets.

josh finishes the cigarette and lights another one, flicking the butt outside. he watches it arc through the air, a tiny glowing ember. the words are on a constant loop, running through his head nonstop. no. tyler doesn't have secrets. tyler is innocent.

he falls asleep on the couch.

tyler wakes him up when he comes home. "why are you sleeping?" he asks, running a hand through his hair. it's starting to get fluffy. "it's the middle of the day."

"i was tired," josh groans. "how was your day."

tyler bites his lip. "...okay."

"that's good," josh says, closing his eyes again.

"you have work tomorrow," tyler reminds him.

"fuck."

tyler sits down next to him and slowly takes his shoes off. "i'm scared," he mumbles.

"what? why?"

"why the fuck do you think?" tyler's voice goes snappy. "because of your psycho ex-boyfriend, that's why."

josh thinks about the texts and sighs. "right." he doesn't blame tyler for being so pissed. he has the right. he notices tyler scrunching his nose. "you good there?"

"smells... off," tyler comments. "like smoke or something."

josh knows the smell must've dissipated after a couple hours, so the fact that tyler noticed is pretty odd. he shrugs. "maybe someone outside was smoking. or next to you. the window's open."

"...maybe." tyler seems uneasy. "did you go outside today?"

"no."

he sighs. "josh..."

"yeah, i know, i need to get out more. i'm good, tyler, i swear. i have to go to work tomorrow anyway, so that means going outside. i'll be okay." he tries to crack a smile, but tyler stares at his legs glumly and shrugs. "hey, ty, wait."

"what?" tyler's voice grows irritable. "i'm going to go take a shower."

figures. 

"i love you," josh mumbles. tyler glances at him and stands up.

"i know."

//listen to hollaback boy by cobra starship bc it's a work of art//