next door » joshler [book #1]

fifty four » lmao all my friends hate me

brendon shows up about ten minutes later. by this time, josh is freezing, but he doesn't complain.

"okay," brendon says gruffly as soon as josh is in the car. "explain."

josh smiles. "patience. i'm not telling this twice, so wait till we get to tyler's."

the other boy scowls at him, turning back to the road and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "good thing you finally came to your senses." he mutters something else that josh doesn't quite catch.

"what was that?" he asks.

"you know. tyler was just fucking himself up physically and emotionally over you. but it's nothing, of course," brendon answers, and a heavy weight of guilt settles in josh's stomach.

shit, he's really, really fucked up this time.

josh stares out the window, city lights blurring by him. lampposts turn into long yellow streaks. buildings turn silver specks.

he doesn't realize he's sighing until brendon snorts. "feeling sorry?"

"we've got no time for feeling sorry," is josh's mumbled reply, his words muffled against his own palm. they're getting close to his- to tyler's- apartment. guilt strikes again in the form of a pounding headache.

a migraine, really.

"d'you have an advil?" he asks brendon.

the boy jerks his thumb towards a bag in the backseat. "should be a couple in there. you okay?"

josh searches for the blue pill, swallowing it quickly. "now i am. sorry about that."

"it's cool." brendon's eyes flick back to the road. only now does josh notice how bad he looks. stubble flecks his jaw unevenly, and his eyes are bloodshot and rimmed with dark purple circles. exhaustion is visible in the premature lines of his face.

again, josh feels guilt strike him.

the pain is quickly lessening by the time they've reached the apartment. josh swallows regret and fear, pushing open the door. brendon follows him up the stairs.

and they stop outside of the apartment, josh's hand on the doorknob and his forehead against the cold wood door.

"come on," says brendon, "nothing to be scared of."

and so josh pushes the door open.

the apartment is a mess. bluntly put. it looks like it's been hit by a hurricane. the halloween decorations that josh remembers with such disgust hang ripped and torn, mugs and dishes littering every surface, leaving stained rings of grease and dirt. a faint smell of cologne lingers, one that josh isn't familiar with. it's not his or tyler's or any of their friends. underneath that, there's the even fainter scent of air freshener, as if tyler had hastily tried to freshen up the place.

oh god.

josh marches stiffly to the bedroom. clothes litter the floor, but these ones aren't ripped from the closet.

tyler isn't alone in his bed, either. oh, but he's naked, yes, very much so. and so is the man lying next to him, both of them totally and completely passed out.

the smell of sex and sweat hangs in the air, along with the stranger's cologne.

feeling himself about to vomit, josh turns and runs out of the apartment, dragging brendon with him. his expression is one of pure terror.

"i can't do it, brendon," he whispers. "i can't go back."