I Want Him Back...

I Want Him Back... - Part 7

[Okay, not my longest piece. But not my shortest either so I will have to hope you forgive me! Hope you're enjoying it and even if you're not, please, for the love of bajebus, comment people! I *NEED* some more feedback. But I love that it's being read! ^_^ Thanks to NougamiNeuro11 and SarahRuRu for always managing to leave a comment!]

Sitting at lunch with Jack just became easier with every day that passed. At the weekend, Belinda spent time in the house with Maggie, tidying, playing games, everything. It was odd but she was getting the balance better now. At first, she had wanted to spend all her time with Jack, to gain that constant secure feeling she needed. Then, when she realised she couldn't, she had wanted to abandon the idea of having friends - if she kept flicking back and forth, it would kill her, wouldn't it? But finally it was in balance and she felt better than she had in...she couldn't remember how long it had been since she had felt this good. The nightmares still bothered her a lot of the time, but they were less frequent as well as less vivid. She was managing to wake up slowly, not screaming for Keith.

Ah, she thought. Keith. The thought still brought that lump to her throat, threatening to dissolve into tears. She still missed him terribly, the feeling of wanting him never far from her thoughts. When she was alone at night and couldn't sleep, she would recall the way he had kissed her and the way it had sent her head reeling. Every touch had been electrifying, sizzling her nerves before burning away her defences. And it didn't stop there...

And every time Belinda let herself fall back like this, she relapsed. Those were the nights the nightmares came back with a vengeance. Those were the nights that when she finally awoke, she had to go to the bathroom to vomit, her shaking unbearable. She was getting better at suppressing the urge to remember, leaving all of those memories in a sealed box in the bottom of her heart.

So when, two weeks later, Belinda was helping to clean out the attic and she came across a dusty book that made her whole hand tingle when she touched it, she was confused. Letting go momentarily, she bent to pick it up again. No, it was definitely tingling in her palm. She flipped it open, eager to know the contents so that her curiosity might be satiated. Besides, it was almost as though the book wanted to be read, as when she let it fall open, it fell to the first page.

'Dear diary,' it read. Belinda's breath caught for a moment before she realised that it looked nothing like her own little velvety purple book. She looked at the rich leather-bound green cover again before flicking it open again. She felt like she had to know what it said. It was calling out to her in a way other books never had, pulling all of her attention to the neat, precise writing.

'Dear diary

Joseph was here again today. He's so sweet, always bringing me flowers and tales from his home town. I forget where he's from but they're such delightful anecdotes, endearing and melancholic. He asked me if there were any interesting stories I knew once, and I had been terribly upset to find that I had no amusing memories to share. Would he think me to be unbearably dull? Heaven knows I'm not the most intriguing of companions...yet he talks to me, of all of the other girls in our meek town, he chooses me. And I know Father approves of our friendship, regardless of whether I am adequate for Joseph. Also, his father spends a great deal of time with my own, increasing any chance I have of knowing the real Joseph. Oh, I know that Joseph is honest and kind and essentially good but...he hides something. I am, thus far, unsure of what this is, but I pray that he would feel comfortable enough to confide in me one day.'

Belinda was riveted, ready to turn the next page when she heard her name being called. Checking her watch, she realised that it was past two o' clock! The person calling her down must be Geri, trying to get her to eat lunch. Oh...but I want to keep reading, she thought, before resigning herself to go. After all, she could always leave the book in her room and go back to it...

It wasn't until late that night that Belinda had enough time to read the diary. But she was eager not to leave it any longer, rushing through the process of getting ready for bed. She murmured a hasty 'goodnight' to Maggie before burying her nose in the book, picking up where she had left off.

'Dear diary

Father is behaving strangely today. I cannot place the behaviour, nor why it is odd but I know it is unusual for him to arrive home at such a desolate hour. His temper is growing shorter and his eyes, whilst always quick to catch mistakes, have become hard and distant. I am afraid, afraid that the distance will increase and I shall lose the loving man who has been my anchor. I wish to tell mother of the distance that is appearing but I do not wish to frighten her. The illness which is harassing her body is debilitating her enough that I cannot say those four simple words. 'Father is scaring me.' It should be simple. And yet it isn't. I wish Joseph were here to share his thoughts on the matter but he has made his presence scarce these last days.'

Belinda knew she was dozing. She could feel the room around her changing, but she could feel the bed beneath her too. Weird. But then she fell into deeper sleep, the book falling from her grasp as her hands became flaccid. And then she knew no more until morning.