You Only Live Once

Chapter 16

The next Friday, Gale takes me on a date. He shows up at my dorm's door wearing a white immaculate button up shirt and a dazzling smile. He offers me a bouquet of pink lilies, which I awkwardly accept. Although I'm somewhat against a guy giving a girl flowers (I think that's awfully traditional and vulgar) lilies are still my favorite flowers.

Gale takes me to one of the fanciest restaurants I've ever been to. When we ask for a table, he discretely slips a bill to the waiter and asks him for a table by the window. Gale pulls the chair for me, like a gentleman would, and sits in front of me afterwards.
I direct my gaze to my hands, that rest on my lap, and bite my bottom lip, as the table falls in am awkward silence.

"Do you know what you're going to order?" Gale asks me, his eyes leaving the menu that rests in his hands.

"Hum, I'm not sure." I say awkwardly. The real problem is, this restaurant only serves weird named food that I have no idea what it is. The only name I recognize is the spaghetti with tomato sauce. "What are you going to order?" I ask.

"Whatever you order." He states. I wonder if he is making a joke, or mocking me, maybe. I huff quietly, I should have never agreed to this. I should have known this was wrong. If there's one thing that never worked is trying to make a relationship out of a one night stand. I should've just refused to Gale's proposal, and tried to work out on something to solve my friendship with Peeta instead. I should've focused on him instead. I've been a terrible friend to him lately, at least I feel like one.

Suddenly I realize Gale asked me some question. His eyebrow his raised, which means he's been waiting for some time. "Huh, I'm sorry. What?" I ask him.

"I was asking if you wanted to order wine, or something else." He tells me.

"Oh, yeah. Right. Wine. Huh, nah. I think I'd rather have a Pepsi." I answer tripping on my words a few times.

"Okay, that's fine."

The waiter appears again, asking for our orders. I skim the menu again before settling with the spaghetti. The waiter looks at me funnily, as if I'm not good enough to be even inside this establishment. Gale chuckles awkwardly and orders spaghetti for himself too.

I'm moving the spaghetti in my plate around, trying to figure something to say. The environment is awfully quiet, since every time Gale tries to make conversation with me I answer with simply with a yes or a no. I try to come up with something else to say but it's no use. It just doesn't feel right. If I was with Peeta right now, we'd both be laughing like crazy, while Peeta acts like a small child and I scold him. Actually, we would have already been kicked out from the restaurant. Heck! We wouldn't even be here. Peeta would never do something so vulgar and expected for me. That's just not Peeta. He would've come up with something way crazier and special for me, for us. It would be something unforgettable. Every day with Peeta would be unforgettable, actually.

I stop dead in my tracks. No! I can't be thinking about Peeta when I'm with Gale, that's just wrong! I'll be hurting both of them. Well, thinking better I've already hurt Peeta, but I can't hurt Gale too. How bad of a person am I, after all? I can't do that to either of them! The least I could do is not think about Peeta while I'm with Gale. I can't do that. But at the same time, I can't stop thinking of the possibility of being with Peeta. I just can't stop myself from wondering what it would be like if it had been Peeta who had told me he had feelings for me instead of Gale.
The kiss we shared a few time ago pushes its way through my mind. Why did he kiss me? Why would he kiss me if he didn't have feelings for me? And if he did have feelings for me, why wouldn't he had said something about it? Peeta would never have kept something like that to himself. He would take the risks. But he hasn't.