You Only Live Once

Chapter 20

I feel myself falling for Peeta every second I pass with him, and I just can't help it. I know it's something cliché to say, but it's simply the truth, the endeniable, tragic truth. I don't know what it is that is making this so hard, but every time Peeta smiles at me, I feel guiltier than ever. It feels as if I'm lying to him, which doesn't even make much sense because Gale is the one I'm lying to, every time I kiss him and imagine Peeta in his place.

I was never one for drama, things should be easy, it should come naturaly. When you love someone, you tell him, you kiss and live happily ever after. But I guess I never realised just how terrifying love was until now. And I just don't have the guts to come clear about it. I don't want to loose Peeta, or hurt anyone. And I certainly don't want to stay away from him.

I try to tell all this to Annie when I'm talking to her on the phone while I'm waiting in the car for Peeta to come back from the public bathroom in the small gas station we've stopped to take a small break in.

"I just can't stand being so close to him and not letting him know how much I care." I finish lamely. Annie has been silently listening to what I have to say, asking a question from time to time. Although I cannot see her, I know she's rolling her eyes at my last statement.

"I'm not really sure what the big problem is, Kat." Annie finally says, after a few silent moments.

"The big problem, for your information, is that I shouldn't love Peeta like that! He's my friend, and I have a boyfriend. But I just can't help it. And if I tell either of them the truth, I'll ruin any sort of relationship I have with both him and Gale." I tell her, feeling as if I've said this sentence a thousand times since this call started.

"But you can't keep lying to them." Annie points out. I scowl. "I think it's pretty obvious what you have to do right now."

"And what would that be?" I bite sarcasticly.

"You have to tell Gale that you don't love him. And end things with you both." she says.

"I can't do that! I'd hurt his feelings. ANd it's not like that I don't care about Gale. I do, I just don't love him the way I should. But that doesn't mean that I won't love him, in the future." I argue.

"And do you think you ever will? Because if you have the smallest bit of doubt that you'll ever love him, even with time, it's never going to work. He's not the one. And a break up will be inevitable. The longer you stay with him like this, the more you'll hurt him."

I sigh. I can't fight argue with Annie when she is so completely right. I need to break up with Gale, even if there isn't a easy way to do so. "Okay. i'll break up with him as soon as I can. It's not right to keep up with this."

"That's the righ thing to do, trust me." Annie says. "By the way, can you check if Peeta has Finnick's ID in his wallet?" she asks.

I furrow my eyebrows. "Why would Peeta have Finnick's ID?"

"Peeta usually keeps it because Finnick doesn't like wallets. Kind of ridiculous if you ask me." Annie states, huffing slightly.

"BFF goals." I mock, taking Peeta's backpack and opening it, searching for his wallet. I fumble around, trying to discover his wallet in the mess that is his back pack when I find it. A white enveloppe that looks deadly in its own way. I take it off, studying it for a moment. It's a normal white envelope, with a stamp on the corner. On the sender it reads 'Massachussets General Hospital'. It looks like some exam results, Peeta's exams results. I hold my breath, fear taking me over almost immediatly, while I try to understand what this could mean.

It's Annie's voice what brings me back to reality. "So, did you find it?" she asks.

"What?"