You Only Live Once

Chapter 18

Suddenly it all came back.
Peeta's laughter, his blue eyes twinkling every time I actually laughed at his jokes, our constant bickering we only had for fun.
Suddenly all those times I spent with Peeta were back, and they made my heart swell.

I direct my gaze towards the road, watching the other cars go by, while listening to Peeta terribly singing some Spice Girls old song that my mother usually sings when she's cooking the turkey for Thanksgiving.

"Katniss?" Peeta calls out, when he's done with singing annoyingly. I don't take my eyes from the window, still watching the stars disappearing in the morning light.

"Yeah?"

"Wanna sing a song with me?" he asks. This is enough for me to advert my eyes back at Peeta, who is looking expectenly at me. Although requests like this are usual coming from Peeta, they never cease to amaze me. I look at him questioningly. "You know, like a kareoke session in the car? It's just that today you seem awfully quiet, and I'm starting to feel stupid singing by myself."

Normally, not a single person in this world would ever catch me singing, and anyone who'd make me such a request, I'd blalantly refuse it. But somehow, in someway, I can't deny anything to Peeta. I don't know what it is about him that gives me such a power over me. Maybe it's the way his blue eyes look so huge and pleading every time he asks me something, somewhat like an abandoned puppy, or if it is all about the way I care too much about him to ever say no to him. Whatever it is, Peeta manages to move my strings around like I'm some sort of puppet, and somehow, I don't mind it at all.

When I nod, Peeta's eyes twinkle as he starts fumbling with the car radio, searching for something that we could sing together. Eventually, he settles on some radio station where the song 'Locked away' is playing.

"Ok, you do the Adam Levine part, I do the rest." he says, before starting to nod his head to the music.

We sing a couple of songs, few duets, and Peeta even agrees to sing Justin Bieber with me, even though I think he was somehow mocking me. After Peeta decides he wants to sing Celine Dion, I give up, not wanting to have to listen to Peeta trying to reach the sharper notes.

"No way, Peeta! You are too bad at singing to manage something like that, and I certainly don't want to have to hear that." I argue. Peeta simply sighs and rolls his eyes.

"I'm not that bad." he states, a small smirk lingering on his lips.

I nod my head. "Yes, you are." I insist. "You really are."

"Well, you still love me." he states lamely, after realizing he can't find any good argument on his behalf.

"For more that I hate it, I really do love you." after the words slip from my lips, I immediatly regret it. Peeta whipps his head, a mix of disbelief, awkwardness, and something else that I can't place stamped on his features. Suddenley the silence is killing me. I just told Peeta Mellark that I loved him. I feel myself hottening and my cheeks turning pink. What now? Out of nowhere, I wish I could be like Peeta, who can get away with saying basically anything, who can just play it off. Unluckily, I can't just play it off, or take what I just said back, because it's the truth. When Peeta's face, white as a sheet, I turn my gaze to my hads, taht rest on my lap, bitting my lip, thinking of what to say right now.

Peeta is quite for a few seconds, the longest seconds of my life. I can hear his loud breathing, even with the radio turned on. "I love this song." he says suddenley. I look uo at him, straining my ears, to understand what song he is talking about. 'High Hopes', from Kodaline. I meet Peeta's eyes, trying to figure out what he means. Is he implying something? I repeat his words in my head, the way his voice sounded, the slight crack he made in the end of the sentence.

"Yeah, it's a great song." I agree, turning my eyes to the road in front of me, wondering why is it that, with Peeta, whatever we're doing, wherever we are, it's always a journey, a travel so unexpected but so wonderfull at the same time, it almost seems as if the world no longer is spinning around us. I wish it wouldn't sometimes.

My phone, that has been in my jacket's pocket for the whole night, stars buzzing. Figures, it's almost 7 am, Annie probably spent the night at Finnick's dorm and arrived right now, obviously noticing I wasn't there. I take my phone out of the pocket. It's Gale. I glance at Peeta, than back at the picture of Gale I have in his contact.I decline the call. I can't deal with this now, it's not the time. I'll handle Gale later.

"Who was it?" Peeta asks, obviously noticing my hesitation about the call.

"Oh, just Gale." I say, trying to appear as calm as I can. Even simply mentionung Gale's name in front of Peeta seems extremely wrong. They just don't get mixed in my mind.

"He doesn't mind that you came with me?" Peeta asks weakly.

"Well, it doesn't matter. He doesn't own me, I can do whatever I want. Plus, why would he really mind?" I state agressivily, wishing that the conversation would just change subjects.

"It's just that Gales is your boyfriend. And I don't want him to think anything. I mean, I'm sure he understands that we're just friends, but if it was the other way around, I'd be jealous he stole you away from me." Peeta says, and I can't stop noticing the way the tip of his eats turns pink.

"Well, Gale can be jealous the all he wants. It's not my problem." I state, closing the conversation.

A silence lingers around us after my last statement, signaling this conversation is over.

"We're almost there." Peeta says, his voice ecooing through the silence.

"Why do you have to go to Boston?" I ask, my curiousity getting the best of me.

"I just need to go and do some errands. I need to hand a package to my aunt." Peeta answers.

"A package?"

"My grandpaps died last week, and he left her the package in his will. I offered to go and hand it to her." Peeta answers, his voice suddenley weakening.

"Oh. I'm sorry." I state lamely, not sure of what else to say, regretting for even asking him about it. Peeta presses his lips together, and suddenley, he doesn't even seem to be the same bright annoying person that I've grown to love over the course of these past months.

"Well, that's just life. It's inevitable." he states blankly. Somehow, Peeta saying this with such ease makes me feel terrible. If someone knows exactly what it is to be in a matter of life or death is Peeta, and it pains me that he knows about it. Suddenley he isn't as innocent and childish as I always considered him to be.

"It shouldn't though." I argue.

"Well, it is. It sucks that it is like that. Sometimes I wish the world was all sugarcanes and houses made of chocolate with unicorns inside, rainbows made of gum and snow made of sugar, but it isn't."

"That's a great view of the world, though. Like some candy land where we can fly around. It's easier tto pretend that the world is like that, isn't it?" I pipe up, trying to cheer Peeta, since I can't just stand watching him like this, so realistic, it's sick. I'm the realistic one, Peeta is the dreamer. That's how things work between us.

Peeta turns his gaze towards, staring right through my eyes with such intensity I feel goosebumps in my spine. "Sometimes I wish the world would stop spinning."

AN:

Hey guys!!

I just want you all to know that from now on I'll only be able to update this story once every two weeks. I know it's not really great, but I have been so busy lately that I barely have time to write. So I only have free time during the weekends, and since I have two stories in progress I can't update both every week. So from now on, You Only Live Once is update from two in two weeks.

I'm really sorry I can't update more often, but it's just impossible for me.

On the other hand, I'm really pleased with how well this story is going, it's exciting. I'm happy you guys are enjoying reading, and it means the world to me.
Thanks for reading!

Bye!!!

~Claire