Silent Diaries: Book 2

Re-connect

Loren

~

I sat up watching the TV they had on in my hospital room and eat the fries and the hot dog my mom bought me from the food court.

"You need anything else honey?" she asked. I stared at her. Since I got back from New York we haven't had a real deep conversation. It's like she was just happy I was here and didn't want to say anything wrong to push me away again.

"Can we just talk?" I asked her. She looked at me wide-eyed as if she thought she were in trouble. "Uh sure". She agreed

Sitting in the chair closer to my bed she cleared her throat. "So wassup? Watchu wanna talk about "she asked.

I shrugged setting the food aside. "it's just that I have been here a little over a month now and we haven't discussed anything, you know I kind of left without notice, don't you have any questions?" I raised an eyebrow and waited for an answer, but she only shock her head.

"I wouldn't dear question your actions Loren , you're a grown woman now; and yes I know then- you were only 17 but you weren't stupid, if you felt like running away was your only escape from what you were going through mentally then fine." She said.

I sat there not saying a word. "sure I panicked when I found out you were gone, I cried and stressed , damn near drove myself , the police and everyone else crazy looking for you. But when Jasmine found your diary and shared it with me..." she rose her shoulders and dropped them again. "What was I supposed to do, after reading every page of it I cried so hard Loren to myself"

My mother's eyes grew watery, she looked up at the ceiling trying to stop herself from crying. She sniffed. " I- I felt like such a horrible mother... you were going through so much that I didn't know anything about... it was like I was there but not there at the same time... I was so – so deep in my own world of Elena and trying to be as good of a parent as Teri was I lost myself and I lost you. Moving to a new state and starting a new life got me distracted. The new job, new friends, new house.... I forgot all about you. Not to mention you barely spoke to me "she chuckled, but it wasn't a happy chuckle, more like one to stop herself from crying.

"You made it so hard to communicate with you, and I know that's not an excuse I should have tried harder to talk to you, but I felt like if you weren't hurt, hungry, or begging for anything you were fine. But I was wrong so wrong. You were going through so much. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you baby, I'm so sorry" she finally let it loose, and stopped holding her tears back.

I knew my mother was truly sorry, I have never seen so much regret and hurt in her eyes before. After all those years of neglect and pain I received from her I finally feel like she loves me, like truly loves me.

"Its fine, mommy I forgive you" I said whipping my slipping tears away. She got up out the chair and leaned over the bed to hug me. I hugged her back.

"I really missed you baby"

"I missed you more ma"

We spoke as if we weren't in each other's presence for the past month.

We pulled away from each other smiling. She returned to her seat.

"So you know I read your book, and before that jasmine kind of snapped on me and reveled to me that you two had a thing. Which now I'm more than sure is not just a thing" she brought up the one topic I didn't feel like talking about much.

"Yeah" I sighed.

"Well I don't really want to be all up in your business, but I must know one thing Loren"