Exchanging Feelings (Phan)

15. You're the one I love the most

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ANYTHING IN BOLD AND ITALIC, IS A SENTECE THAT WAS SPOKEN IN PORTUGUESE BUT I WROTE IN ENGLISH.

It has a bit of (bad) semi smut i think?? also kickthestickz

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“Are you feeling better?” Dan asked, pushing me away, after hugging me for a few minutes.

“Yes, sorry” I said. He wiped the tears off my face. I really was, feeling a bit better. At least I was in panic like I was before.

“You don’t have to be sorry. C’mon, let’s go back to my bedroom” He stood up and pulled me. He put the razor in our secret place again and we went back to his room.

We lay down on the bed and he hugged me from behind. He kissed my neck, my cheek and my shoulder a few times. I was trying to get better, but my mind was far, far away.

“I should call my dad” I said.

“Yes, you should” Dan sat down, handing me my phone.

“I hope he picks up… He’s probably working”

“Just try it” He encouraged me.

I waited the ‘beeps’. I hadn’t properly talked to my dad for more than 2 months.

*Felipe?* he said. I froze for a second. He was my dad but I felt like he was a stranger, sometimes.

*Oi, pai* (hey, dad) I said.

*Como tu tá, filho?* (How are you, son?)

*Tô bem pai e tu?* (I’m fine dad, how are you?)

*Tô no trabalho, não tem como te ligar mais tarde?* (I’m working now, can I ring you later?)

*Eu precisava falar contigo, não tem como falar agora mesmo?* (I really need to talk, can’t you stop for a minute?)

*Não dá, to indo pra uma reunião. Mas tenho boas noticias, depois te ligo* (I’m going to a meeting right now. I have good news though, I’ll call you later)

“Fucking hell” I cursed, throwing my phone on the bed.

“What did he say?” Dan asked.

“He said he’s working and can’t talk, but he’ll call me later… Yeah, right. He said he has good news. I can’t see how this is good” I pointed at the computer screen as the article was still open.

 “Who knows? Maybe everything is fine now and that’s what he’s going to tell you” Dan said, and then entwined our fingers.

“Yeah…” I said, but I was sure this wasn’t the case.

“Try and forget about this now, there’s nothing you can do” He pecked my lips. I lay on his chest and he hugged me tighter. I felt so safe in his arms.

A minute later, Mrs. Howell knocked at the door.

“Dan? Phil? I brought food! Come eat” She said.

We both went downstairs. Aidan was telling something to his parents, all excited, something about a school trip that I wasn’t really listening. We all sat at the table and began eating. I liked those moments; it was the closest I’ve ever gotten to having dinner with my family. My host parents always talked about work and asked us about school. I was already feeling like they were my real parents. Dan didn’t know how lucky he was. When my parents decided to have dinner with me, it would always be at a fancy restaurant and their friends would go too, so I didn’t talk to them, I just sat there and checked the time every 2 seconds. In some ways, Dan’s parents didn’t really care – for instance, they just sent Dan to therapy instead of talking to him; they used to let Dan go out anytime he wanted as long as it was the weekend; they didn’t care if Dan was smoking or using drugs. They did love him though. I guessed they just gave Dan his freedom and didn’t push anything. They always went upstairs to say Hi to both of us; we had breakfast and dinner together; even though they argued once in a while, everything was normal some hours later. Mrs. Howell was the mum I always wished I had. Mr. Howell didn’t talk much, but he was a nice man. I knew they cared about Dan, they truly did. Dan’s house was a home, he had a family. My apartment was a prison, I lived alone, the maid talked to me more than my parents did. I was thankful my parents could afford an exchange program though. I could experience that feeling for some time.