The darkest path, the walking dead

Chapter 6: Forgotten

I'm losing it, I swear I'm forgetting things, I remember there was a reason I left the group full of people but I don't remember why I left them or when I left. I don't remember their names I only remember one name, Carl. I remember their faces but not their names I remember a little girl and I remember that I got slapped by a women with wavy brown hair and that's the reason my face is slightly swollen. I remember the way back to them but what if I left them because they were bad? I look around the room, I don't remember why I'm in here but I do remember that I haven't been here for long, I don't want to go out the door because I'm worried there is walkers out there and I'm finding it hard to imagine how I could have shot my bow and arrow. I don't remember my family but I remember it's my fault there gone and to be honest I don't know if I want to remember them.
I miss people I don't want to be alone and scared anymore, I cut the fly screen and climb out the window I lower myself down from the two story building and land on the ground. I walk for at least three hours before I remember something. I'm sitting in the back of a car with a sheriff in the front seat and a kid that looks my age next to me, Carl I know who it is it's Carl, we stare at each other and I can't remember why we are looking at each other in this way. Wait do I like Carl, I wonder if he is my boyfriend. I keep walking but faster this time because I want to find Carl, I keep walking faster till I'm jogging down the street. I remember Carl, is Carl the reason I want to go back? I want to know how I can feel this way about someone I feel like I don't even remember, what if I don't know him that well what if he's dead? I stop in my tracks and gasp for air not because I'm out of breath but because the thought of the boy in my head being dead slaps me in the face hard. I start running again but shortly after it turns into a sprint. My head is hurting from lack of air and I'm gasping, my lungs burn and I have a bad pain in my right side which feels more like the bruises I got from being hit by the car than from running, I remember getting hit by a car, I remember who was driving it I can't remember his face but I can remember his name is Glenn and he was very sorry. I then see something that I've seen before, at first it just looks like a normal bit of road with no houses or buildings just bush on both sides but when I think harder I remember I was here with Carl.
"Then why would you kill him" Carl asks shocked, I killed someone? How could I kill someone? I don't know how much I want to remember about this anymore.
"He deserved it" I shrug. How could I just shrug? That's not me that can't be me.
I keep running for about five more minutes until I reach the burnt out camp fire that I had sat around last time I was here but the cars are gone and there no one here, there gone Carls gone. What if there dead? Or what if they left because I'm a bad person? Am I a bad person? Did I kill someone? What if I hurt them? What if I killed them? What if I killed Carl and Glenn? Or Lucas, I remember Lucas he tried to kiss me but I didn't let him, was that because Carls my boyfriend? The more I remember the more tear stream down my cheeks, why would I leave? Why would they leave without me? Several sobs escape my body, I feel something wrap it's hands around me from behind and I turn smiling.
"Carl?" I smile as I turned around, to see a walker I scream and fall to the ground sobbing louder as even more tear flow down my cheek. I kick the walker away but it wouldn't stop coming towards me so I go with my second plan, run. I picked my bow up which I dropped somewhere in the last minute and bolt away from the walker. Tear are streaming down my cheeks more than ever and more sobs rocket through my body than ever as I ran as fast as I can down the road. I don't care who or what sees me, I have no hope of ever finding my way back to the group and I don't want to live without them so to be honest if a walker grads me I don't think I will try to get away again, I think I would let it bite me or maybe it would scratch me instead, I start to scratch my arm very quickly as I run, I feel the skin being scratched off my arm but I don't care It feels kind of nice and I know I deserve this I'm just not very sure why yet. I scratch my arm until I feel blood trickling down my arm and I have to pick skin and blood out from under my nails. I fall over because I can't see properly with all the tears clouding my eyes. I scrape my knee and hands as I fall but I just get up and keep on running. It is like I can't feel anything anymore the only thing I can feel is how much my broken hand hurts when I fell over and how my arm hurt from scratching it and my knee from falling over, but apart from that I just feel numb and I hate it.