The darkest path, the walking dead

Chapter 10: the dying boy

I don't want my memory back, I can tell all ready that this will not end well; getting my memory back is only going to hurt me. We stumble out of the church, no one noticed that I had been crying and that was a good thing. I stumbled out of the church staying close to Carl and Lucas, I feel safe around them like they are my gravity and they hold me together even if I just met them, some things are just brought together without realising it. We head to the woods and circle around looking for Sophia. Rick points to the left silently. I see a slight movement in the distance and after a second I realise it's a deer, it stands grazing in the grass only now and then sticking his head up and looking around cautiously. We all look up at it smiling but especially Shane and Carl, Shane looks at the deer in almost hunger as he raises his gun but ricks stops him.
"Shane" rick tilts his head towards Carl and Lucas as they inch closer to the deer as it continues to eat the grass. I don't like this I have a strange feeling about it maybe the strange feeling is hunger? I'm probably looking at the deer the same way is Shane. They slowly inch forwards until there close enough for the deer to be very aware of their presence. The deer pops its head up and stares at the two boy's right in the eyes, I smile because this is a very beautiful moment. The deer sticks its ears up as Carl and Lucas are almost close enough to reach out and touch the deer but the deer makes no attempts to get away from them. Their faces are lit up with smiles as they approach the deer further, at that moment a shot is fired and it triggers me to go into another flashback, I don't know if Carl, Lucas or if anybody has been shot, for all I know I could have been the one who got shot.
I'm standing in an Atlanta street with my dad and two sisters jasmine and Tara.
"My feet hurt" I complain breaking the silence.
"Shhh" my dad hisses.
"Why don't you be quiet!" I snap loudly. My dad rolls his eyes and continued walking. I remember that this street has been claimed by a few looters and we are trying to sneak past them. I see a movement in a tree in front of us and before I could do anything a shot was fired sending blood spraying over jasmine and I, before another shot could go off I quickly raise my bow sending an arrow into the guys chest and he plummeted out of the tree but he is still alive, I can hear him breathing heavily in pain arm I'm pretty sure I have shot him in the arm. I turn to see Tara on the ground, blood soaking her shirt, I sob loudly as jasmine drops to her knees saying the last words I will ever hear her say.

"It's all your fault Luna you should have just shut up!" jasmine cries, jasmine didn't talk for week until she died and guess what that was my fault two. I remember we where hold up in a house for a night or two I was out in the front yard in a tree keeping watch. I got destructed with my knife for what felt like a second, I heard my dad scream my name, I jumped down from the tree and ran inside just in time to see my dad being pinned against the wall with a walker trying to get at him but that's not the worst. Jasmine sits on a chair staring at a wall not moving or even blinking as a walker takes a bite out of her neck. She hadn't said a work in weeks not since Tara died. The next thing I know I'm standing in a shopping centre with my mum. Four guys are surrounding her, when I turn the corner they turn to me. They have grins on their face that scare me. They tie me to a pole in the middle of the aisle next to the one they would rape my mum in.
"Your next" they warned me as they walked back into the one mum was in, I heard her scream and cry until my dad came and saved me but it was too late for mum. I had to tell my sisters what had happened because my dad was a mess. I don't know why but I know it was my fault she died. Then I remember what happened to my dad, after jasmine died and it was my fault, dad left me when I was asleep, the only way I could tell he had ever existed was the note he left me it said: you killed all of them, I can't be in the same house as you anymore, you're a monster and I'm leaving don't bother looking for me because if I see you again I will kill you, you are not my child goodbye Luna.
The note broke my heart and I made it my mission to find him and to kill him, after about two weeks looking for him I found him and I put a arrow into his heart before he know what was coming. I remember that everyone I love dies.
I opened my eyes to see I'm in Shane's arms he carries me bridal style. Carl and another man run besides him.
"Put me down! Where are rick and Lucas?" I say squirming out of his arms.
"Come on I'll explain when we get there" Shane says shoving the other man forwards as he almost collapse. We run like this for at least three minutes before a farm house comes into vision. I wonder if this is where we are going? I wonder where Lucas and rick are? At that moment I remember the gun shot.
"Lucas?" I gasp Carl looks at me and I then see the look of shock, horror and worry on his face. I breathe out slowly as I comprehend what is happening. Lucas has been shot.
By who? What do they want?
"Did you shoot him?!" I yell at the guy Shane was harshly pushing forwards.
"I swear I didn't see him until he was on the ground" the guy I don't recognise says breathlessly.
"I'm going to kill you" I growl lunging at the man but Carl grabs my arm and pulls me in front of him looking me in the eyes.
"Luna this isn't helping ok?" He asks and I nod, we continued to run until we are at the porch of the house, so I'm guessing this is where we are going. Rick meets us at the stares. I see the blood on his hands and I swallow slowly.
"Is that oh god" I say looking at his hand, I turn away from him with my head in my hands.
"Luna why don't you take a walk" Shane says in a worried tone, I nod as I walk away my head still in my hands, I walk like that until I feel a hand grab my arm, I flinch.
"It's ok it's just me" Carl say as he turns me to face him.
"Carl...." I say looking down. He grabs my arms and pulls me a little closer and I pull away but he doesn't let go.
"Carl" I almost yell pulling away completely and stepping backwards.
"You remembered didn't you?" He asks frowning, I just nod.
"You promised you wouldn't let it change anything" he playing with his fingers.
"Carl there wasn't anything to be changed!" I almost yell, he looks hurt by the comment.
"You know what Luna you're a real piece of work, you won't let people care about you but one day you're going to push everyone away and they're going to be no one to care and your gunna regret it!" He yells at me.
"Shut up!" I say pushing his chest harshly.
"Why because you know I'm right?" He yells. Tear fell my eyes and threaten to spill down my cheek.
"No because if I don't push you way then you will get hurt so I can live with you hating me as long as you're alive!" I yell as tears spill down my cheek.
"Luna that makes no sense!" He yells and I think tear are going to start filling his eyes soon.
"Yes it does everyone I love dies Carl!" I yell and he looks at me sympathetically.
"Luna..." He says but it's too late I'm already walking away. I don't want to feel like this anymore I don't want to feel like it's my fault anymore. I walk into the house to hear loud crying, I run into the room to see Lucas lying on a bed an old man is pulling something bloody out of a hole in his stomach, Lucas screams, cries, kicks and tries to get out of their grip.
"Please Luna help" Lucas screams in pain. I start crying too because I know I can't help him. I run back out if the room and up the stairs, I don't know where I'm going but I just have to get away from the screams,  when I find the bathroom I sink to the ground in a bundle of sobs and tears. I don't think I'll ever be able to stand up, I know I'm pushing Carl away again but if I don't he will get hurt and I can live with him hating me I think but I know I can't live with him not living I can't be held responsible for another death. I want something to take the pain away or at least be able to control it. I get an idea and I know it crazy but I have to do this. I take my knife out of my boot and take it to my wrist. I push the tip down into my skin and drag it across my wrist leaving a trail of blood. I know this isn't right so I throw the knife at the ground and throw myself against the door just to be sure no one can get in. I watch the blood slip down my arm, there's not much because it isn't deep. I watch the blood trickle down my arm until it stops, I get a cloth and wipe away the blood from the floor and put the dirty cloth in my bag. I put my jacket on which is in my bag, pick my knife off the floor and slip it into my boot and then forward out of the bathroom leaving no sign I had ever been in there.