Invisible

Chapter 11 Following Through On Loss

I leave the therapist feeling a little better but still shaky and sad. I'm exhausted, as I normally am after talking with the Doctor. I head straight home and pull out the photo albums.

Happy faces greet me and I try to smile back, not that they'll see me. They're all gone.

I close my eyes and lay back against my bookshelf. I see my mom smiling proudly as I performed a small supporting role in the 10th grade spring play; my dad hanging up the phone on an important client simply because I came home crying. I had come from Jacob's house after I found out he liked me and my dad spent an hour calming me down and smiling behind his coffee mug.

Then I remember the problems, the shouting, the hate, hiding on top of the roof right outside my bedroom window with a flashlight and book because the extra wall between me and the sounds of my parents fighting was the only thing that kept me calm. My eyes snap open and I hear screaming; it's me.

I look at my phone. I slept for a little over 4 hours. That's gotta be a new record for me. My neck is stiff and I feel smothered. I feel like going on a run. I get ready, almost tripping over Jade several times.

I grab my iPod and take off, it's past 6 and there are a lot of people on the streets. I head for my favorite park, the path is nearly deserted. I don't think, I just shut down the memories and turn up the sound.

Normally the high tempo songs help me to pick up my pace. Today they slow me down, I switch to complete shuffle, giving up but a slow song starts and I see Hunter in my mind. He slowly smiles as the thought of him takes over and I trip.

As I limp over to a bench I close my eyes against the pain shooting through my ankle. I sit and rub my ankle. I wince, pressing my eyes closed and I see his brown eyes; Jacob's, they are burned into my mind. Unexpectedly the image changes into soft, blue eyes.

My eyes fly open, I feel so confused, my mind feels like it is cut in half.

3 more weeks on the Hayes job. I have started to count down the days. I don't know if I am excited to finish it or disappointed that I won't see him anymore.

I stand on shaky legs and limp along the path, as I move my ankle loosens up and I ignore the pulsing pain every time I land on it.

'What's wrong with me?' Normally I can block off those feelings, usually I can hide from them. High School was hard, I had only Jacob. Now I am alone and it's okay, I just want it to stay that way.

As I turn around 'Invisible' starts on my iPod, I stop and stand for a minute then I continue on, running harder.

Invisible is all I want to be, all I ever wanted. It's where I am safe, where I am comfortable.

Before I know it I'm back at my door. My heart feels like it's going to pop, physically and emotionally.

-----

Friday is here in the blink of an eye and I ride back to Al's place to collect the kids. I stayed over last night and right now I am actually feeling pretty good, just nervous.

I load the kids and their car seats into my back seat and we drive to the Baskin Robbins at the address that Hunter texted me.

I already see Tori's little red convertible, no sign of Hunter's car yet. I wave at her as we enter. I do rather enjoy the look on her face when she realizes who my 'friends' are. This is going to be fun.

Hunter almost runs us over as he comes through the door. "Hey!" He greets us.

"Hewow!" Blake wraps her arms around his legs and Gordi jumps up and down.