Invisible

Chapter 59 From Endings to Beginnings

"Come on Hunter, I can't focus with you sitting there looking helpless!" I whine as I place my finger on the page where I left off, trying to put together a final presentation for my foreign cooking class is proving to be a bear.

Hunter mumbles an apology and jots something down on the paper in front of him and his guitar.

"What's gotten into you lately?" I snap the book shut and give him my full attention, for the last 3 weeks he's been particularly quiet but always sticking close. When he doesn't reply to my question I approach him from behind and slide my hands over his shoulders, he jolts out of whatever world he was in and leans into my embrace. "You okay?" I say softly, laying my head on top of his.

"Can I be honest?"

"Sure, but I think-"

"That Hunter suits me better." He finishes my retort and I can hear a trace of a smile in his tone.

"Please, tell me what's wrong." I take the seat next to him and he sets the guitar aside, claiming my hands as he turns to look at me.

"You're going to meet me at the other end of the aisle... Right?"

I sit there shocked, for a full minute we just sit there and stare at each other. "Hunter, why wouldn't I?"

"You decide this is a mistake. That you don't want to be my wife or you don't want me to be your husband. We could end up unhappy and together and I know it isn't-"

"Hunter!" I try to stop the flow of speech but he just babbles on over the top of my voice. I finally lean forward and kiss his still moving lips.

It silences him effectively and his hands leave mine, wrapping around my back and pulling me into his lap. I don't resist and I climb on, keeping my mouth pressed to his. I only break away when he relaxes and I keep my arms around his neck. "Hunter, I'm going to be there." I give him a small smile while he stares into my eyes. I know what's going on, he's been through this before.

"You know... I've never doubted you would." He swallows and searches for the words while I wait patiently. "What does it feel like... Having a flashback?"

I bite my lip, he's seen what it looks like from outside but he's never asked about what goes on within. I used to try to explain it to people but I felt like they never got it, like they never could. Maybe I can make Hunter understand, he's obviously going through something. I need to help him if I can. I start off with a deep breath and feel Hunter's arms tighten around me, "at first it's like confusion. Your heart races and you can't stop from reliving that moment or moments. They don't have rules or schedules. They just pop up whenever they want. Sometimes I can feel them coming on and I used to try to fight them but that just usually made them last longer, cause me more pain." I swallow and close my eyes right before continuing. "Your body both works with it and at the same time tries to stop it, nothing makes sense and when it's done you feel empty and drained... It's like having a nightmare but while you're awake and aware... And it's real. It happened and you're stuck reliving in it over and over." I bite my tongue hard and feel it go numb after the hard pain that drives into it where my teeth are.

Vaguely I'm aware of Hunter leaning in and resting his head in the crook of my neck. "Leah, you're the bravest girl I know." He whispers into my skin and I take in a shuttering breath.

"They've gotten easier... I don't have them as much. Jacob always said I'd learn to live with them, but lately... Even if I forget to take my medication I don't seem to have them as often."

"Maybe your past is finally leaving you alone." He has a hopeful tone in his voice, coupled with hurt, I shouldn't have said anything about Jacob.

"If that's the case then I think I know what, or rather who, helped me drive it away." I give him a little smile as I stand up and straighten my apron, peering over at the open notebook in front of him.