Disallowed ⇔ Matty Healy

Chapter 17

~Della~

Have you ever experienced that feeling?

Where you feel like you're asleep, or in a deep trance. And you feel as though you just float up, out of your own body, looking down on yourself. Watching yourself?

Sometimes it can be amazing. A moment when you're doing something that makes you proud. As though it's happening so you can cherish that moment forever.

But sometimes, this time. It was a massive wake up call. It happened to bring me back to reality. To put a stop to what was happening. To what I was doing.

It was as though my brain had turned off. My whole body became numb, not making me realize that what was happening was beyond wrong. It was the only way to put a stop to it.

My eyes flew open the second the feeling hit. As though I was looking down on myself. And it made me feel sick. I was disgusted.

What the hell was I doing?

This didn't just happen! It can't have.

I broke away from him. Pushing at his chest to gain some much needed distance between us. Instantly not being able to look at him.

I didn't know what to do. I panicked. Making a mad dash for the door.

"Della?" Matty was fast on his feet behind me.

I ignored him. Slamming my bedroom door shut in his face.

I didn't want to hear what he had to say. I never wanted to mention this ever again. I couldn't bear to be near him now, not after this.

Nothing like this can ever happen again. I didn't even know how it happened. How did I allow this to happen just then?

What is wrong with me?

I needed to get away from here. From him.

"Della. Open the door please. I just wanna talk" Matty knocked lightly on my door.

"We need to talk" he tried again. His voice rushed, frantic.

Each time his voice sounded through my door. Nausea hit me in the gut.

Why can't he just take the hint and leave me well alone now? Can he seriously not see the problem here himself?

"I'm not leaving until we've spoke about this"

His small threat didn't bother me. I had another escape, unknowingly to him.

I quickly got myself dressed, grabbed my phone and made my way down the drain pipe at the side of my window.

Many times when my parents had grounded me for stupid reasons, I'd flee out of the house from here. My mum and dad never non the wiser.

I safely made it to the ground. The only problem now was the huge 6 foot wall that always proved difficult for me with my small height. It was always a matter of climbing the apple tree near the huge gates and making a jump for it onto them.

Of course I could go down and open the electric gates. But then I'd have to pass Matty to get downstairs. And even If I went back inside from here, I'd be risking him seeing or hearing them opening.

So the tree was my only way.

I made a mad rush down the garden. Fastening my bomber jacket as I ran. Constantly looking over my shoulder in fear he'd have spotted me and follow on.

I was thankful that when Matty escorted everyone out of the house, he'd left the outside lights on. It was pitch black over the wall, I didn't even know what time it was now. But I knew it was a stupid hour in the morning.