Playing Dad

15. Goodbyes

(Tristy)

    It was 1:15 and I was putting my last bit of stuff in my bag. Tre took me to get my car earlier. “Do you really have to go right now?” Tre asked.

“Yes if I wanna be home before dark,” he nodded.

“I don’t want you driving at night.” I went to pick my bag up. It had all my new outfit in it so it was a bit heavier than when I first got here. “Here I’ll get that.” Tre said grabbing it.

“Thanks.” I walked out to find Billie standing by the front door. I stepped to him and slid my shoes on. He didn’t say anything and neither did I. He had been kind of quiet all morning. I opened the door for Tre and led him to my car. I hurried to the back door and unlocked. I opened it allowing Tre to toss my bag in the back. I opened the driver door as he closed the back. I Turned to him. “Well..”

“Oh!” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet.

“Oh no Tre I’m fine.”

“Nonsense! Here’s forty bucks for gas.”

“I really don’t need it, I have money.”

“Ok well here’s an extra ten to add to it just incase.” He put it with the forty and held it out to me.

“Please, it’s ok,” I brushed it away.

“Tristy! I incest! Just take it,” he begged. I smiled and nodded taking it. I really didn’t want it.

“Tristy wait!” I looked to the door to see Samantha running out with a Tupperware bowl. She approached me. “Here’s some of those pink lemonade cupcakes.” She brought them over at 11:00 and wanted me to bake them with her. She may be crazy and get on my nerves a lot, but I actually enjoyed making them with her.

“Thank you,” I smiled grabbing them.

“Oh honey, I’m going to miss you so much! You better come back.” She threw herself on me hugging me. I hugged her back.

“I will.” Tre smiled at me and I smiled back. She released me. Tre quickly hugged me and held on tight.

“Oh, I’ll miss you too! I love you! Please be careful and promise you’ll be back!” I chuckled and wrapped my arms around him squeezing as hard as he was me.

“You too. I will, and I promise.” I heard him gasp for air. I chuckled and let him go. He laughed and ruffled my hair.

“Bye Tristy.” He pinched at my cheeks. I smiled and pinched his back.

“Bye Tre.” He giggled and blushed. I looked back to Billie who was just watching. I could tell he was sad.

“Billie! Are you going to come give Tristy a hug?” Tre yelled.

“Yeah.” He said casually.

“Come on sweetie lets go to the porch,” Sam said pulling Tre.

“But I want to see my baby off.”

“We can from the porch.” She pulled. I knew she was trying to give me and Billie alone time. Billie started walking as Tre and Sam turned for the porch. I stood growing nervous as he got closer. He kept he’s eyes to the ground until he got to me. He looked up at me and a shock wave went through my chest. He took a breath and then pulled me to his chest in a hug.

“Goodbye Billie,” I choked out.

“Bye Tristy, please be careful.” I nodded. “I’m going to miss our late night chats by fake candle light.” I chuckled and looked at him. He had a smile. It made me feel relieved.

“Me too,” I said smiling back. His smile faded and he pulled me tighter to him. I closed my eyes as the side of my face was against his chest. I gripped the back of his shirt near his shoulder blades, and could feel him breathing by my ear.

“Don’t get depressed and fall into the abyss like I have when you get home.” I gulped and nodded. “Don’t forget about me either.” I felt a tear want to ooze out.

“I couldn’t do that.”

“I hope not.” He said casually. “Hurry back ok.” I nodded. I heard Tre yell something so I pulled back and quickly wiped my eyes before Billie could see. He looked down at me sad. He cleared his throat. “You better go before it gets any later. I nodded and he brushed my bangs back and smiled.  I gave a faint smile back. He kissed my cheek. “Bye,” he said in my ear just before stepping back.

“Bye,” I said lightly. He smiled and put his hands in his pockets. He turned and walked to the porch. I quickly got in my car and shut the door. I started it holding back tears. I put it in reverse and we all gave one last wave before I backed out.

     I started to the Highway when a few tears fell. I wiped them and pulled my visor down to make sure I didn’t smear my eyeliner. When I did, something fell down into my lap. I watched the road as I lifted it. It was a clear CD holder with a note in it. I opened it as I drove and held the note above steering wheel. As I opened it a small blue flower that came from the yard fell out. Picked it up from my lap and smiled placing it on the dash. I glanced at the note as I drove and it read: Tristy, Made this in case you get to missing me, and to make you miss me so you’ll hurry back ;) – Billie. I smiled and set it in the passenger seat. I pulled the CD out and put it in. It was a mix of Green Day songs. My favorites, as well as some love songs. My tears dried up and I was smiling singing all the way home.

     I finally pulled into my driveway and sat staring at the house. I finally turned the car off and got my bag. I stepped to the door and wiggled my key in allowing it to unlock. The door opened and I stepped in closing it. I dropped my bag and turned to see the living room as I had left it. Pictures scattered along the floor and flowers everywhere. I felt a tear roll out as my true reality set in. That dark abyss Billie was talking about, I was already there. I always had been since the death of my mother. Before then I had been friendly and energetic. Seeing Tre reminded me of the old me. After my mother’s death I quickly grew up. I took care of who I thought was my real father, until he left this world too. I guess I always really knew I was different than him. He was more serious business, and I was always imaginative and child like. He taught me to be who I was now. I don’t blame him for that. I still love him as if he were my real father. Tre on the other hand, made more sense. Now I know where I got it from. He’s a better fit for my old personality, but child care is not his expertise, although he did try. I think he would have learned to be a great father. The more I thought about these things the harder I wanted to cry. And Billie. What was Billie to me now? He felt more like a temporary vacation from the darkness. Then again he was in it himself. Just a lost soul I found in my traveling in the abyss. The way he talked; I had been a vacation in the light for him too.  I heard my phone ring. I pulled it from my pocket to see Beths name on the screen. A tear fell on it and I focused on my reflection making her name go blurry. I had tears streaming down as well as my makeup. I sniffled and dropped my phone to the floor. I stared down at the pictures. My phone quite ringing. I felt I had to let go of one too many people in my life, maybe it would be best if everyone just let me go…