monophobia || h.s

thirteen.

Neither could really explain what happened afterwards. It was a silence between them but when they looked into each other eyes, it was like a million words was being exchanged in mere seconds.

Melody would look into his eyes and see the home she wish she had. The calm feeling she never has really experienced. But with him, she finally felt calm. Like when you're freaked out but you then just feel relief and calmness make its way throughout your whole body.

She had never felt that. Until she kissed Harry of course.

It all felt so true and so real to her. Like, his kiss meant just as much as hers. Like it was the last thing either of them had left.

And if Melody was being absolutely honest, she felt like he was all she had. Call it cheesy but his simple presence could make her feel so at peace, almost normal even. No one has ever made her feel so... herself. Don't get her wrong though, she loved her friends to death and loved hanging out with them, but it almost felt as if she was only coexisting with them.

Because after all, how much do they really know about her? Within the short amount of time she's known Harry, she's had countless feelings she doesn't know how to put together and sort out, but she's never felt so happy about it.

All the time, Melody feels like she needs to be perfectly put together, and if anyone saw her in the least bit slipping, reality would shatter all around her. Because for Melody, she always wondered, if people see your life as perfect, why ruin the illusion?

She thought maybe, just somehow, it would make her life better. During the day, she would live the perfect life everyone thinks she has, always smiling, making jokes and laughing. She goes to uni, has a job and has more friends than she does strands of hair. But when she got home, in the middle of the night her heart would sink the second she stepped foot in her own home. It was where she was alone.

This terrified her because even though she calls it home, she knows it will never be a real home to her. Simply just a place where she had to face her worst fear. Every single night.

But sitting here. In this moment. With this boy. On this bed. She has never so felt so calm about the future to come.

So when she looked into his eyes, with her arms resting on either of his shoulders, she couldn't help but just smile. The type of smile that started small but soon was so big it made your cheeks hurt.

Apparently smiling is just about as contagious as laughter because Harry started smiling too.

"What?" He asked so cutely and confused that Melody thought her whole heart was going to implode because he was just so, so... perfect.

Of course though, Melody's brain couldn't just her have one cute moment with this guy she really likes. No, her thoughts had to ruin it and completely freak out about the future, again. Freak out so much so that a frown settled on her face.

She knows she really, really likes Harry, and she knows he makes her really, really happy, and she knows when she's with him she doesn't feel so out of place. She especially knows he makes her feel so okay with her life.

But that same exact thought is exactly what terrifies her at the same time. Nothing good ever lasts for very long in her life and she knew that with Harry it wouldn't be any different. It was just a matter of time until she ended up all alone again.

Harry noticed her frown and his faced mirrored hers.

"What's wrong?" He asked, obviously concerned about her sudden change in emotion, making her heart both flip and ache.

As not so much of an answer, she rested her head on his chest and tried to relax. Even though she knew she wouldn't be able to with the thought crossing her mind.

After a long pause of silence after Harry's question, he placed either of his hands on her cheeks and looked her deeply in the eyes.

"What's wrong, Melody."

God, his voice was just so soothing and she wanted nothing more than to just listen to it forever and just talk to him until there was nothing left to discuss.

But she couldn't bring herself to do it. She could not even bring herself to look in his eyes because knew that if she did, she would spill everything. Why would he want to deal with her problems?

"C'mon, Melody. Please just look at me."

He was so concerned and so sweet and Melody was so sure she did not deserve him. No one deserved him.

Her eyes lightly fluttered open and her eyes met his piercing green ones. A sigh slipped past Melody's lips.

"Will you talk to me?" He asked her softly, but Melody's face became more concerned and nervous. She never liked to open up to people and she was usually better at keeping it down, but with Harry, she knew she wouldn't be able to keep it in if she spoke even one word.

"You know it's bad to keep all your emotions bottled up all the time."

Still struggling to hold back her words, Melody pressed her forehead against his and closed her eyes again. They laced both their hands with each others and Melody took deep breaths trying to calm down her racing heart.

After countless moments of silence and them holding hands, she was finally able to muster up some words.

"We should get ready, for class. You don't want to be late." She said as she slowly got up and made her way out of his apartment back to her own.