Reflections of my Heart (Part I )

Faithfulness

February 22,2015

Eight years ago, I've encountered a situation that changes my perspective about success in my life. I was alone inside my Clinic and I've been praying for provision to buy the materials for my inspired design for the place in our mission field in another city and I was begging the Lord for it ASAP since I needed it in two days before we sail for the mission.

I was already anxious then for a few days already because my resources were wearing thin and I didn't know where to get the money for our missionary work. After praying, as I tested the machine I needed for my work, it suddenly wouldn't budge and it dawned on me that it might be broken. My anxiety level escalated because I really didn't have the money for the repair of the machinery. In my frustration, I cried out to the Lord with accompanied anger and complaints with tears cascading down my face.

I've asked the Lord why did He have to treat me like this since I've been serving Him for so many years now, doing what He willed me to do but still, this is what I got, depleting financial resources and a bucket full of worries and anxieties. I decided right there and then to stop myself from this heroic act of helping the least brethren of mine, go out into the world and find another work where I could gain more financial wealth. I was really into my drama mode when a knock suddenly stopped my ranting about the unfairness of life and its complexities.

After I composed myself and opened the door of my Clinic, I came face to face with a bedraggled woman who seemed to be very tired and sweaty, asking me my fees in a simple procedure. When I told her my fee, she sighed dejectedly and told me that she can't afford it and with drooping shoulders, went out of my Clinic. Suddenly, the Holy Spirit nudged me to call her back, asking her how much she got inside her pocket and she only had a fourth of my original fee. Then, my mouth uttered a word that I swore I will never speak again, "It's okay, keep your money. I will still proceed with the procedure for free."

The woman cried when she heard what I said and profusely thanked me before I even perform what I intended to do. She then told me that I was the last resort in her search for a Doctor who will perform the operation despite her lack of funds. She further told me that she walked so many miles from home, knocking at every Clinic she passed by without any luck until she prayed in desperation when she spotted it.

After I performed my services, when the door closed in front of me, the Lord spoke to me audibly, "Where will my poor people go, my child,  if you're not there to tend to them?" And I felt my heart constricted with shame when I heard his voice, reminding me once again of my calling. I cried and got down on my knees in repentance. I asked God to forgive my complaining, my anger towards my situation, begging Him for another chance. As I was kneeling on the floor, I felt His loving touched inside my heart and most of all, His understanding of the relapse in my frame of mind. I felt His forgiveness and His reassurance that everything will be alright.

Just like what Mother Teresa of Calcutta said, "We are not here on earth to be successful but to be faithful". I chose again to be faithful and grateful of His will and calling for me, to loved, served and cared for the needs of the least and poor brethren of mine. I may not be successful in the eyes of the world but in His eyes, I am faithful.

That was a lesson I've never forgotten. Right now, I am contented. I maybe tempted to complain once or twice about my situation but what happened that fateful day eight years ago is still indelible in my mind and will continue to remind me of my calling. I am not trying to be heroic, by the grace of God, I just want to be faithful every day for His will for me until the time He will give me another direction in life.

By the way, before I forget, I really don't need the money after all in buying the materials for my planned design that day nor for the repair of the machine. My brother-in-law said, since it's mechanically operated, it just needed to be saturated with oil to run again and he had a liter of it from his house and that night as my eyes were roaming around my room, I saw so many treasures that I accumulated through the years in serving the Lord through decorating our mission field and He uses all these materials to made me came up creatively His inspired design for free, without the hassle and bustle of buying for it. Isn't He a great Provider?