Reflections of my Heart (Part I )

Casting All Cares

June 16,2015

It's not easy to let go when it is the desire of your heart. You knew this is what God wants you to be or what God put in your heart. A seed that is planted so deep you feel the very existence of it. But..... it is still inside, buried, it seems it is not growing, it seems it is forgotten, it seems it will remain that way.

You prayed and prayed for years, you claimed it, thanked God in advance of its growth and you steadfastly held on to His promise but to no avail. Year after year, it is still a dream, a wish, a desire and somehow, along the way, you let doubt, confusion and frustration to set in. Doubting if your faith is not enough for it to come true.

I've experienced first hand the peril of this kind of dilemma. The rollercoaster ride of doubting, having faith again, hoping, frustrated, questioning why it isn't happening. The vicious cycle of trying to comprehend what to do next for its fulfillment. Amounting to a time when I question God whether I heard the Lord right or this calling is just my imagination.

Then an open door led me to my answer. The Lord said, "Let go!"

" What?! Did I heard you right, Lord? After all the years of nurturing it in my heart, watering it with prayers, obeying all Your will, You want me to let it go?"

A tug of war consumed my heart. I couldn't fathom a loving God who could easily say to throw away what is precious to me. A very important desire that He initiated. A promise that He said He will fulfill. A word that I cling to and for the life of me, I can't understand why He suddenly wants me to just discard it as if it is nil.

My hardheadedness sets in like a bull. I refused to acknowledge His command and in that days, months and even years of pride, I found myself discouraged, despondent, lonely and joyless. Until I couldn't stand my own stench, I humbly bowed down and asked for forgiveness.

I chose to let go......

I chose to cast aside my desire into the loving arms of my Savior. I chose to release what is so dear to me into His bosom. With a heart that is hurting, I willingly succumb to His will and in that moment, instead of the lingering pain, I found healing, instead of unhappiness, I found joy and instead of a sacrifice, I found its fulfillment.

You see, sometimes, letting go is not the end but a beginning. It is a journey that teaches us to trust our Sovereign God rather than our puny attempt to fulfill our destiny. It maybe a painful road to recovery but it teaches us to let God take control over our lives and He doesn't need our help to fulfill His promises to us. He still hold the time in His all knowing hand and His ways are beyond our own comprehension.

Just like Abraham who let go of His son, Isaac on the altar of sacrifice, I, too, learn that it is better to choose the easier path of obedience even if I don't understand than to go through so many circuitous ways of questioning the bizarre ways of the Lord. He is my God, I am His creation. He lead, I follow. As simple as that.

The fulfillment of my desire grows, took root and came out of its burial ground when I've learned to cast everything on His cares. It took years for my struggling to let it grow and been denied of its fruition but in that one moment of surrender, it multiplies a hundred fold without a hitch.

God's ways may make us crazy sometimes in our wake but then, faith is the realization of what we hoped for and evidence of things not seen ( Hebrews 11:1 ), therefore, it is okay to be a loony from time to time. Our God knows what he's doing. We just have to sit back and relax and watch as He turn the impossible to possible. To see them materialize without a sweat. To turn our mourning into dancing and grasp the hammer of victory.

We just have to remember....
He is our Sovereign God.....after all :)