Reflections of my Heart (Part I )

Comparing Me to You

September 21,2015

Comparison became a way of life in our society. We live in a world where people look down on some people when they are different, have another opinion that does not conform to their own or when we are the minority not the majority.

I've experienced it first hand from my loved ones, to my teachers, neighbors, friends, enemies as well as strangers who lifts their eyebrows because they judges me already despite not knowing me personally. My loved ones meant well, I guess because they love me and even friends for that matter but others, I think they just don't like me. Anyway, that's how I grew up, being compared intentionally or unintentionally by others to others. And I know, most of us experienced the same way.

Years went on and that comparison ingrained already in my memory became a habit of mine. I don't only listen to other people's comparing me to others, this time, I became an expert in comparing myself (more critical, mind you) to others. Because of that cruel, self-comparison and self-criticism, insecurities sets in, pride sprout its ugliness and pretending became a mantra in my life.

I became obsess, if I may use the word, of being part of the group, of being in, of doing something or anything for that matter just to get approval from those who have authority over me so that they will stop comparing me to others. To the point that I get so heartbroken if I heard even a single word of criticism or comparison. That self-doubt, that I thought nobody knew, destroyed some of my dreams.

I drop some of them because I thought I am not good enough to pursue it, they might laugh at me, they will not understand, they will not support my passion, they will compare me to others who is doing want I dreamed of. And the lists goes on and on and I settled for what is a routine. The thing that I do whom they've accepted. Never to defy what's there. Too afraid to do something new or be courageous and risk what is "normal" in their eyes or point of view.

I was so wrapped up in my normalcy that I became blind and deaf to what is inside of me.

Years passed by and I met the Lord Jesus personally. That's when I found myself deviating from the norm of the society, not in a rebellious way but in loving obedience to the will of my Saviour, and that's when I slowly but steadfastly found my true self again.

It was a long journey of diversity, of casting aside something about what I think of myself and opening my hands and heart to what the Lord thought of me. It helped me a lot to gain more confidence day by day and find the dreams that I thought were already buried for good but now surfaces once again, this time with less fear and more courage to do it for His glory.

It's a long and painful process but it's worth it. Now, I am living my dream. Now, I am writing. Now, I am sharing who I am to the world without fear and uncertainties of what others may think of me or even if they throw their criticisms smack down to my face. All I know is that I am living my dream, do they?

Just like this 8 year old kid who I happened to watch on a video from a social media site that changed me more and made me gain more confidence about myself. His right limb were amputated and he got only two fingers on his right arm but he excels in all kinds of sports. Name it and he can do it especially track and field in which, according to him, is his favorite. I salute his courage and determination but what struck me most is his joy and confidence. The way he smiles confidently when he answered all the questions that the popular daytime show host hurled at him. He is really a very special and exceptional child and I was blessed by his answer when the host asked him: What will you tell those kids who happened to be different?

And he said, I quote, "Everyone is different whether you look different, you think different, or you act different. Mine happens to be I look different and it's very obvious but that doesn't mean that a kid with four limbs doesn't have any challenges. Everybody has challenges and everybody stares at everybody, so being different is okay and you can dream, you can hope and make it happen. And I hope that they can make it happen."

Wow! Wisdom coming from the mouth of babes......Need I say more?

I think, he says it all. All glory to God.....