Reflections of my Heart (Part I )

In Times of Weakness

June 20,2015

I am dragging my feet again because I knew I've sinned and I felt the guilt eating my heart away. As I pray and asked God's forgiveness, I couldn't even lift my eyes unto heaven because of my shame. I felt I don't deserve all my blessings because of my filthiness but then the Lord surprise me again, He called me to serve Him in our prayer meeting.

This is a scenario that time and again humbles me. When I thought I've done an unforgivable and unforgettable deed in my life, the grace of God continues to surprise me by using me to minister to other people when I thought I don't deserve to share myself to anyone.

Then I remember it is not my ability that counts but my availability. That is what God wants regardless of the state of my heart through my wrongdoing. God is not looking for a perfect person but an imperfect one who desire to serve Him despite of her frailties and weaknesses.

As long as I repented from my sins and continue to try reconciling myself to Him through the power of repentance, His forgiveness to me knows no bounds. I am grateful that I am serving and believing a loving God not a tyrant one.

Most of the time, I am more unforgiving of myself and more critical that I still continue to castigate myself despite the fact that I've already repented and knew in my heart been forgiven. My irrational pride wouldn't admit that I am unconditionally loved by my Savior who is perfect in every way thus the wayward guilt that sometimes makes me wallow in self-pity and derision.

I need to accept the fact that even though my sins are like Scarlet and red as crimson, He will turn them as white as snow ( Isa. 1:18 ). I must trust Him and believe His dying on the Cross to lift me up from my unworthiness. I must have faith that my transgressions were removed from me as far as the east is from the west ( Psalm 103:12 ) so that I won't continue to beat my heart in disdain and hung my head in shame.

The mercies of God is so vast, I cannot fill it up with my own comprehension. I will always fall short. His forgiving nature put me in a place of total humility and worship Him unwaveringly on His throne of grace.

His ways is awesome and I thank God for teaching me lessons in life in a loving way thus paving an avenue for me to forgive others transgression as God forgives mine unreservedly. It may not be easy but the freedom of obeying surpasses the struggle within.

Whether the issue is me and my sins or others for that matter, God in His unconditional love propels me to grow, to surpass and to overcome. He is the only who can turn my stony heart into flesh, to be molded into His image and likeness, to be use for His glory.

A heart to forgive and eventually to forget, craving for new beginnings again and again and again.....An unending cycle of grace that a Savior can do to a ragamuffin like me.

Thank you, Lord:)