No Hope Left-A Mockingjay Story

Chapter 18

We leave Cornelius' room and go back to the cells. Vince looks very distraught about something. As soon as we walk in everyone there lets out sighs of relief. I look around, bewildered.
"We thought you died," Johanna says. "You were screaming like Brett..."
"I was screaming?"
Neil looks at me worriedly. Vince opens the door to my cell and waves me in.
"You were screaming from the solution the doctor injected into you," Vince explains kindly as I walk into my cell. I sit down on the ground pull my knees up to my chest while Vince locks up the cell.
"You know, compared to that Harry, you're rather nice," Enobaria says.
"Hadrius," Neil corrects.
"Am I?" Vince muses. "Don't push it, District 2."
He leaves without a second look at Enobaria. I look at Darius' cell and see that Lavinia's body is gone.
"You were screaming for a whole hour," Johanna says. "I didn't think..."
"That I would be alive?" I offer. Johanna nods.
"What did they do to you?" Neil asks. I shrug.
"Injections, hallucinations, that sort of stuff," I mutter, flicking aside a small rock. We sit in silence. Neil tries to pick off some of the dried blood from his arms and hands, but he gives up after a while. Johanna and Enobaria shoot insults at each other every five minutes, which I find amusing. Darius stares ahead of him, and I think Lavinia's death is still on his mind. I don't know if it is on my mind. Annie is sitting right near the bars that separate our cells, watching me closely. I look back at her and smile gently.
"Why do you keep staring at me?" I question.
"I'm thinking about what you said about Katniss," she says. My smile fades and I grimace at the sound of her name.
"What about it?"
"Why...why do you think she's a mutt? She loves you."
I laugh dryly. "Of course she does."
"...Do you...love her?"
"No."
Neil looks up startled. "What?"
I look back at him. "What, what?"
"You don't love Katniss?"
I feel my anger rise.
"Stop saying it like it's a bad thing!" I yell. "Why should I love a monster like her? She doesn't deserve to live! She's the reason we're all here! SHE'S THE REASON BRETT AND LAVINIA ARE DEAD!"
I stop to catch my breath. My chest is heaving as I struggle to regain control. Everyone's eyes are on me. Neil looks down and runs his tongue over his bloodied lips. Johanna shifts uncomfortably. I pick up the chalk and start drawing again. I don't look at anyone else. I feel like they're betraying me by telling me that she loves me. I draw things that don't matter to me: flowers, cats, dogs. By the time I run out of chalk my anger has left. I finish drawing just in time for a guard to bring in some food. Today we get bread, cheese and water. Even though the bread isn't very fresh, I still eat every single crumb.

The lights have been turned off and I lie in complete darkness. Except, I don't feel like sleeping. I rest my hands on my stomach and cross my legs, one over another. "Neil, Johanna? Anyone awake?"
"Can't sleep either?" Enobaria's voice comes.
"No," I whisper. There is an uncomfortable silence. "Enobaria?"
"What?"
"I killed Brutus."
More silence.
"That's the point of the Hunger Games," Enobaria spits out. In a softer voice she adds: "But death would be better than this."
I nod, forgetting that she can't see me. After a lot of silence I begin to think she has drifted off, but she speaks up again.
"Twelve?"
"Hm?"
"I may not know much about what happened between you and the girl. But you know, it looked like love to me."