fallen | ✓

Chapter 46: "Too Soon"

I struggled to wake up, light pouring through the small windows of my apartment. I peered, slowly getting out of bed. I grabbed my backpack and guns, holstering and slinging them. I then walked out, giving Sam's door a glance before passing it.

I'll never know why, but I looked at the back way to crane town, seeing Jack there, kicking the ramp over the ledge in rage. I frowned, walking over to him. He laid his head in his hands and gave me a quick glance. "Carmen.." He mumbled. I listened closer, simply staring down at him. "Am I a good friend?" He cried quietly. I crouched next to him, patting his back.

"Yeah," I said. "Yeah, you are."

"Sam said he was leaving.." His voice broke slightly.

"Leaving?" I echoed. He nodded. I stood, pulling him up. "Did you find out where?"

"No." He shook his head. If Sam's suicidal, the worst thing Jack could do is leave him alone like that.

~~

I walked into Sam's apartment. My eyes caught on Jackson and Brook, crying. I walked up to them, crouching. My tone dropped. "What's wrong?.."

"S-Sam's l-leaving!" Jackson wailed. I glanced at Sam, his head pressed against the table like it always was. I walked over to him, mumbling, "Where're you goin', pal?"

"Hell.." He grumbled in return. I frowned.

"If you're going to Hell, that means I'm probably going somewhere worse," I said quietly. He chuckled weakly. It wasn't comical, though. It sounded quite broken.

Maybe he's just having another breakdown.

I stood up slightly. Then he spoke up again. "All I do is good. Then all I get is a boot to my ass in return." He growled. "My sister and wife are dead because of that bastard and all I did was take care of his wife and kids." His jaw clenched.

"Hey," I frowned. "Why did he kill them? Do you even know?"

"He overkill-"

"That's not what I asked.." I said gently. "He was protecting himself."

"Who's fault is it then?" He asked, crossing his arms and sitting back. He wanted me to say 'Joao'. But it wasn't his fault. It all started with...

"Anya," I said. "She threatened Mika's life in the first place"

"Threatened-"

"She paralyzed her, Sam," I growled.

A small body entered the room behind us. I barely noticed because Sam said something that crawled deep under my skin, eating me inside out.

"You act exactly like him.." He hissed to me. My eyes narrowed on him and I smacked my hand on the table, standing. I pushed my chair back and I brushed past Jack, opening the door. "Run! Run like you always-" And with that, I shut the door.

I walked to the back way of Crane Town, watching the water. But I wasn't there for long until I realized that I left my kids there. I turned on my heel and trudged back, knocking half urgently. I pushed the door open, seeing Jack sitting on the floor, a small toddler next to him. Jackson and Brook were still here, upset. I walked over to them, picking up Jackson with a grunt. "Come on, bed time."

Jackson whined as I gave Jackson a glance, walking out with Brook trailing behind. I walked up the ramp and into the hall, putting Brook on my bed, and Jackson on an air mattress. I made sure they were settled and sleeping before taking my AK-47 from my cabinet, walking to Sam's apartment again. I peeked inside, and no one was there.

I frowned a bit and went back up the ramp again, going to Jack and Mika's apartment. I knocked.

"Jack." My voice was urgent.

"Yes?" His voice muffled through the door before he opened it.

I slung my AK. "We need to find Sam."

~~

Sam can be an asshole more than anyone I know. But he's still my friend, I guess. That means I have to look out for him, as he looks out for me. I'll take all the verbal abuse possible if it means he provides a safe place for my kids and keeps his gun barrel away from Joao.

We eventually found the sack of sadness and suicidal thoughts in the SandSharks' mall. But here's the twist; he had a wound in his chest.

A failed suicide.

I dropped my backpack, grabbing a rag and a bottle of rubbing alcohol. "Hi, Sam," I said casually, cleaning his wound. His eyes struggled to open and he looked to me. He seemed surprised.

"Wh-what are you doing.." He grunted. "I w-want to be with my family.."

"Well, right now, you're still our friend. Not your family's butt buddy." I continued tending to his wound until Jack was ready to bandage him.

We spent quite a bit of time healing him. He made small winces and groans of pain. Eventually, we got him patched and stitched.

"I want to be with my family.." He wheezed.

A man walked up and paused. "What are you civilians doing here?.." He raised a brow. "There's a raid happening here soon. Suggest you scram."

I took Sam's arm and put it over my shoulders, lifting him. Jack did the same with his other arm. We carried him out and I gave a nod to the man.

We got him back to his apartment and seated him in his chair. We stood near, simply quiet. I gripped my hands in my pockets. His attempt at suicide bothered me in a way.

"I better get going.." Jack spoke up. "Bambi is going to wake up soon without her Dad there and freak out.." He sighed. I nodded a bit. He went to the door and opened it. "See you folks later." And he shut the door behind him.

Sam and I stayed in the quiet. It was like this for a long time. I would like to tell you that it was nice, but it was uneasy. I wanted to run out, but I stayed. I stared down at my feet, gripped to my pockets.

I inhaled a bit. "I feel like you don't take any of my effort into account.." I frowned.

"I do. I really do." He said firmly. He then stood up. "What do you want me to do, hug you?"

"You're sarcasm is so strong." I said thickly.

"I'm serious."

"You just don't act-" Then he suddenly stepped forward, hugging me. It wasn't forced or violent. It was gentle and warm. It felt somewhat like a blanket. My shoulders suddenly dropped and I stared forward absently.

And then I believed him.

~~

I stared up at the sky, alone on the roof of the SandShark's mall. The rain patted against my hoodie as I gazed at the stars. Unlike many things, looking at them didn't hurt my eyes. It was actually very pleasureful.

I do this pretty often. It relaxes my nerves and makes me forget all the utter shit that I've endured. I smiled a bit. A voice caused me to flinch. "What are you doing out here?" I glanced over my shoulder, seeing Joa. He gripped onto his gun and frowned. "It's raining.."

"Yeah," I sighed, rubbing the back of my head. "Just star gazing." A bit of sunlight was pouring into the land. "Or... Was." I gave the sky another glance. 

I need to get the fuck out of here.