Hold Me Close

Chapter Nineteen.

In some ways the world was as chaotic as a teenage girl's mind, emotions, secrets, fears and hopes all cloaked into a small bundle of desperation. We are all stars and our mind is the sky, we are tiny but yet we shine through, and our mind, the sky, is vast and never ending.

When I want this chaos to end it never does, and when I want excitement in my life nothing comes knocking at my door, but this, this was all to much.

My room seemed smaller then usual and the government was right outside my front door, literally, three were parked in a black ford, they watched us and we watched right back. Derek offered to come around but I didn't want them on his back as they were on mine.

I began to pick up and the stuff that had been knocked over during a full house search, my heart broke when I picked up the framed photograph of me and Chris to find it smashed and a large footprint across it. I rested it on the bed, resting my tired body along side it and began to cry, the tears fell uncontrollably and smalls whimpers escaped my lips.

No matter how hard I tired to push the pain in my chest away it just remained waiting to make an appearance, it came the day he left.

My mind went back to Dane, maybe he was right, what if it is time to rebel against the Government, I shook my head and pushed the foolish thoughts far into the back of my mind. Tomorrow was going to be a long day, Dad said school was not an option for me with what has been going on, and he didn't even know the half of what was really going on.

I wiped my eyes and continued to turn my room back into its normal way, everything seemed so surreal though, picking my clothes up or pushing the old teddy's back under my bed all just seemed like a dream, a dream I wish would end.

Sleep came easy as the stress from the past days had worn me out completely.

The rays from the sun blinded my weary eyes as they managed to open slightly, I groaned and turned to face the fire red alarm clock that sat crooked on the nightstand. I couldn't believe my eyes, I had slept out most of the day, it was already six in the day.

I leapt from the bed and pulled on clothes before running down the stairs to give my parents a hand with arranging the house back to normal.

My mam and dad sat at the table in silence, mugs of tea sat before them, the steam rising above them, it couldn't mask out the tension in the room.

"Good morning" I weakly smiled, they just nodded, no comment on how it was the afternoon and not the morning, how I had wasted a day, it was as if the normal was now the strange.

The house looked untouched as my parents had already cleaned everything away and fixed what had been broken, but they couldn't fix the ache that the government had left, I do not think anyone could.

Dinner was served in silence, the sound of metal hitting china was all that was heard apart from the calm rhythm of breathing.

"That boy" my dad sighed,

"dad, Chris didn't know this would happen" I jumped quickly to his defence as I couldn't bear to hear my dad blame this all on Chris.

"Chris?" my dad laughed, "I'm talking about that boy Derek, ever since you met him nothing but trouble has came".

"are you serious" I scoffed, "all of this" I laughed, expanding my arms "has nothing to do with Derek, he's done nothing but help me, he helped me to see what was wrong with this world, and he helped me to feel alive cause God knows I haven't felt that way since all of this kicked off" I shouted.

My mother continued to eat in silence.

"I know where you were yesterday" he shouted back slamming his fists hard onto the wooden table which caused the plates to shake, my mother and I jumped back a little.

"You were with those scum, plotting with them, I had to hear this from a work college of mine who saw you two leave that building, don't you know that most people from that area know what goes on behind those walls, who are you? Cause the daughter I raised isn't sitting before me"

"no you're right, she's not, the girl you raised grew up and she sees everything for what it is, I don't want to live like this, I cant bear to strain away from touching, it's human nature dad",

"don't" he sighed, "just don't try to justify what you have been doing, I wont have that kind of illegal behaviour under my roof, you might think you're high and mighty prancing around and scheming behind the government, but you're not, you're just a child trying to play in the adult world, well I've news for you Ann, those people die, that's the only outcome to their rebellion, death, so before you try to fit in with scum take a hard look around you, it's not where you belong, if you live under my roof then you live under the law, it's either that or you go else where",

"Dan" my mother butt in but she was silenced by my actions.

I don't know what took over me, but I grabbed ahold of the table and turned it upside down, the plates that still held dinner crashed and smashed against the tiles, my mothers eyes grew wide and my father anger with it.

"Leave" he whispered,

"Dad, I, I don't know what came over me" I cried.

"leave" he screamed.