You Can't Love Him

20

"That one was bad too,"Noah really doesn't like romance movies. Maybe we should just return all of them and stick to actions or comedies.

"I'll actually agree with you on this one. It was too cliche." I agree. I cringed through the whole movie.

This morning when I woke up, I thought things would be awkward between us but I was wrong. Neither one of us brought it up. I guess it really isn't that big of a deal. We only slept in the same bed. I tend to make things a bigger deal then they need to be.

"Wow, you actually agreed with me!" He says surprised. I laugh at his expression.

"Is that so surprising?" I ask.

"Yes we never agree on anything." That's true. We always disagree wether it's what movie to watch or what food to eat. We tend to be complete opposites.

"I know what else we can agree on." He says. I turn my head to the side in confusion.

"What?"

"We both like cuddling and watching movies." He smiles. Gosh, I love his smile. It makes me happy. It's so much better than his frown or smirk. I wish he'd smile more often. I guess I'll just have to find out everything that makes him happy.

"Okay, what have you done with the real Noah? He would never admit to liking cuddling!"

He lets out a chuckle at my joke. I'm so glad I got to finally meet the real Noah. This Noah is caring and funny. Not some bad boy who does shady shit. Someday I'll dig into that side of him but for right now I like this Noah. He gives me a sense of security.

Out of nowhere, thunder strikes, causing me to jump closer to Noah. I wrap my arms around his neck out of instinct. He wraps his arms around my waist. "Don't worry, I'll protect you." He whispers. He had said the same thing last night. For some reason, I believe him.

He has such a tough demeanor. I've also seen how tough he is in person. I have no doubt that he could protect me. He already has once before. I wonder how that Nick dude is doing? He took some pretty hard hits.

I pulled myself back a little to look at Noah. My breath hitched as my eyes met his. He has already been looking at me? I couldn't bring myself to remove my gaze from his. His chocolate brown eyes had me in almost a trance like state. I think they are such a beautiful color. Wow, I sound really cliche. Too many romance movies

"Your eyes are beautiful." His says quietly.

"Thank you,"I can't believe I managed to speak. " I was just thinking the same thing about yours." I internally gasp at my words. I can't believe I actually said that to him. Where did I get the confidence?

He moves his gaze from my eyes and stares at my lips for a few seconds. He quickly moves his gaze back up to my eyes. He hesitantly lifts a hand up and brushes hair out of my face. I could feel my chest falling and rising quickly. I feel so flustered. I haven't felt like this in such a long time.

"Can I kiss you," He suddenly asks. I almost choked. I think I forgot how to breath for a moment. Noah just asked to kiss me! He wants to kiss me?

I nod, not being able to form the right words. I would probably embarrass myself if I said something. My eyes flutter shut as he leans forward and his lips brush against mine. It wasn't long before they were softly pressed against mine. It takes me second to register what is happening but I quickly move into sync with him. He kissed me slowly. It was almost as if he was scared to make a wrong move. After a while it started to pick up. He picks me up by my waist and sets me on his lap, my legs on either side of his thighs. I place my hands against his cheeks. He starts rubbing circles with his thumb on my hip.

After a while we both pulled away to catch our breaths. Noah leans his forehead against mine. I can see he has a frown on his face. He was breathing really hard but it didn't seem like it was from our little moment. The way his eyebrows connected and the frown told me something is wrong. It seems like it's from a panic attack.

"Noah are you okay?" I cup his face in my hands. Just then his eyes open and I can see a flash of panic in his eyes. He stares back at me like I'm a monster out of a horror movie. His chest was moving so fast. He looked so scared. I quickly pull my hands away from him. He lifts me off of him and stands up. He pulls his jacket on and grabs his keys. "I got to go." He quickly says and walks out the door, slamming it behind him.

I debated if I should go after him. Something told me that I would just make things worse if I did.

What just happened? Did I do something wrong? Did he not like kissing me? Oh no. What does this mean for our friendship?

I just caused Noah to have a panic attack. He looked so frightened. I can't get his face out of my head.I suddenly felt sick. I shouldn't have said yes.

"Hello? E? Are you even listening to me?" Joc asks snapping me out of my thoughts. She had called me earlier and now we sat in the mall cafe.

"Yeah, sorry." I apologize. She gives me a strange look.

"Okay what's on your mind?"

"Nothing."

"You keep zoning out. Something is obviously on your mind so spill." She crosses her arms. She's obviously not going to let this go.

"Noah and I kissed." I whisper and twiddle my thumbs nervously.

"What? I couldn't hear you." She says.

I sigh,"Noah and I kissed." I say louder this time.

Her eyes widen and she lets out a weird squeal noise. "You guys kissed! That's great!" She says excitedly.

I shake my head. "No it's not."

"Huh? Did you not like it?" She asks in disbelief.

I scoff. "Of course I liked it. I just don't think he liked it. After, he left right away. He freaked out and left." I explain.

Her eyes show sympathy. "E. There's a lot you don't know about Noah. It's not my place to tell you anything. You just need to give him some space to think." she says.

Later I sat in bed staring at my phone. I thought if I stared at it long enough, Noah would call or text. Sadly, I was wrong. I know Joc said to give him space but I felt like I needed to text him and apologize or something.

~Noah~

I'm such and idiot. Why did I kiss her? That isn't like me. I didn't want that. I groan in annoyance. I did want that. I wanted her that close to me. Why? Why now?

I shouldn't have let her that close to me. I knew pushing her away was the right choice.

I hear a ding come from my phone. I look to see that I have a message.

From: Em
Im sorry Noah.

It's not her fault I'm felling this weird feeling towards her. Its not her fault I'm a mess. It's mine. It's all mine.