Forced to Love You

Nothing..

( Ron )

Hold on baby you're loosing it, the water's high you're jumping into it. Letting go when no one knows. That you cry but you don't tell anyone, that you mind not be golden one. And you're tied together with a smile and you're coming undone.~

i pushed the next button on the radio

Come back, come back, come back to me like You could, you could if you just said you're sorry I know that we could work it out somehow But if this was a movie you'd be here by now

I turned the radio off and looked outside the window. It's been a while since i went to school. 2 weeks to be exact. Not because the bump in my head was a huge deal, but because i didnt want to see anyone. Not even myself. I felt stupid, more so now than other times, and i could tell you that i've felt like an idiot lots of time. But this was the first ever that i couldn't bear my stupidity, the first time where i couldn't laugh it off and forget about it. This isn't like the time i blurted out to my mom that we were gonna throw her a birthday party or the time i fell face first in the fountain in the mall when i was 12. No. this wasn't one of those moments where the only thing that hurt was a wounded pride and pained face.

I used to make fun of the girls back at home for crying over their boyfriends. After all. I was the girl who never got a boyfriend. Who sneered and smirked at couples because they looked like idiots, being sweet one second and then shouting the next like a bunch of idiots. I was the girl that looked down on other girls who gave their heart to a guy who obviously was a jerk, who obviously would break it one way or another. I was the girl who rolled her eyes when another girl cried in front of her because of a stupid boy. I was the girl who never understood, never tried to understand why those girls would take on the risk of letting boys break their heart. I was the girl who never believed in young love.

And then, Nate happened. And would you look at me now. I could just imagine my past self looking down on the present me for being such a fool and letting herself get carried away by beautiful eyes with a face beautiful enough to be god like and a smile that could charm even a rock into smiling.

Stupid, idiot me. I was the bigger fool. Look at me now. Eating my words. hiding at home in shame for what i've become. For letting a guy make me this. For allowing myself to sink down on this level.

I looked outside the window. But what caught my attention was girl in the reflection looking back at me. I wasn't a lot of things. I wasn't the brightest bulb in the class, i wasn't the prettiest in it either, i had no special talent, sure i can sing and dance a little bit but nothing to fuss over about, i wasn't rich either, my step dad was the rich one and not me, i wasn't even good at sports or good at any chores. But though i had more faults than i could care to count i was also the girl who never gave up. Who never said died and who didn't know the word quit. The girl who refused to acknowledge that the word loose and forever could be in the same sentence. I was the girl who always got up. I was the girl who always smiled. I'm not a lot of things. And an emo was one of them.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and pushed the on button of the radio. No more hiding. No more mistakes. It was time to face the problem. It was time to get up.

So what if i was stupid and fell in love with a stupid boy. It happened. Doesn't mean i have to live on that knowledge and sulk in my room forever like an idiot because i couldn't get my happy ending. So what if he prefer his old girlfriend. So what if i felt as if was wronged. So what if i was lead on. So what? Doesn't matter. Not anymore. Because life goes on. And the world wouldn't wait on you., time wouldn't accommodate you until you feel you're ready to face people and get on with life. It doenst work that way. I looked down on my watch. Not at the time but the heads of the watch. it moved steadily, not too fast but not too slow. But enough to let you know that time's moving. Never waiting, never stopping. always moving.