The Two of Us

Chapter 32 - Reasons

Chapter Thirty Two - Reasons

Khalid felt as if he would remember that moment forever.

He looked down at Sabrina's face, as her eyes blinked slowly, as she processed his words. His eyes trailed down her face to her mouth and he memorized the curve of her lips, wondering if he'd be this close to her ever again. He wanted her face imprinted in his memory as desperately as if he was afraid he would not be able to recall the features of her face when they would eventually part.

He was terrified that she would misunderstand him, take his weakness as doubt, take his fear as a sign that he had given up on her. He ached for her and yet was prepared to let her walk away if she so wished. And a small voice in his head screamed at him to hold on, just a little longer..just in case Sabrina felt the same way and decided to allow him to let her go.

But this fear was quelled when Sabrina's eyes suddenly burned into him.

"What makes you think you're not good enough? What makes you think I'm just going to let you walk away?" She questioned, her voice low and harsh.

Khalid opened his mouth but before he could say anything, she cut him off. 

"You may give up, Khalid." She told him calmly, though her voice was tinged with displeasure. "But I wont. You can sit back and see how things work out, that's fine. But I'll still try, I'll still try to convince my parents that you're a good person, because you are, Khalid!

Stop doubting yourself. Stop running, stop hiding. Stop this idea that you don't deserve good things because you've made mistakes. When has Allah ever stopped giving to us when we've stopped praying to Him? He continues to provide you with another chance, why do you turn your back to His hand?"

She shook her head and smiled, then, and Khalid wondered how someone could look so grateful and yet so close to tears. 

"You're right. Only Allah knows what's planned out for us. And yet it takes our effort to achieve it, no? Everything we do, he allows us to do so, and yet we can decide for ourselves if we wish for it to happen. We do possess inclination. We do possess choice. And oh, for the love of God, we do get to decide if this is going to work."

Khalid felt light headed, because he knew she was right and her chocolate brown eyes invited him to agree with her. He wanted so desperately to agree with her. Even still, his doubts came knocking, reminding him that everything he'd ever sought failed in the end. Why would this time be any different?

"Maybe we can decide if this is going to work out." He finally breathed, for once pushing aside his uncertainty. "Maybe it'll even be worth it."

"It will be." Sabrina smiled.

They fell silent, awe churning in Khalid's chest for he'd been so afraid that she would be sickened by him. He was so certain she would see that he wasn't ready to put in any effort for her and decide to do the same. But Sabrina wasn't one to give up so easily and he saw this in her eyes and she looked at him with a request.

"If I mean anything to you, then don't give up, Khalid." She asked him and his heart fell because how could he live up to the image he had created for her? How could he do anything when by comparison, the girl before his deserved the whole world.

"If I knew I could be successful, I wouldn't be giving up." He grimaced.

Sabrina raised her eyebrows, for even to himself, he sounded as if he was no longer talking about marrying her. He wondered how she saw him, if she realized just how deep fear and anxiety coursed through his veins.