The Two of Us

Chapter 19 - Sweet Dreams

Chapter Nineteen - Sweet Dreams

"Sabrina?"

Sabrina blinked and turned to Khalid who was watching her with carefully guarded eyes. She stared at him and unconsciously took a step back. He noticed this and his face fell.

"You asked me to tell you." He said, defensively. "What were you expecting?"

"Not this. I was...I was...oh God." She whispered. "You really did kill him."

Khalid turned away so she couldn't see his face.

"If I knew it was him...I wouldn't have. I swear. I didn't want him to die." Khalid said, his voice cracking. "I didn't want to kill him."

"I know. But...still...you did it. You-"

"I know what I did." He snapped.

Sabrina bit her lip and stared at his back. When she asked him to tell her, she was expecting guilt for being there when his brother died. Part of her was hoping that he hadn't actually been the cause of Zayn's death -- just a guilty bystander. But no. He really did kill his own brother. Drunk or not, he'd taken a life and Sabrina wasn't sure if she would ever see him the same ever again.

He turned around suddenly and stared at her.

"Before you leave me, know that I regret it. I regret everything, Sabrina. I thought....I thought you could help me. I thought someone as good as you could see that..that I want to change. I really am. I just want to move on. Help me move on from this."

Sabrina shook her head slowly. "I don't think I can help you, Khalid."

"Why?" He cried, his eyes fearful.

"Its not because I don't want to. It's because I cant." She said, softly. "You're going about it all wrong."

"What do you mean?" He asked, confused.

"I mean that...you want me to help you? Well, I cant help you. You want me to accept and forgive you and help you move on but its not me that matters. Only Allah can do that."

Khalid's eyes darkened and then she saw it. His reluctance. His doubt. He really didn't believe that turning to Allah could help him. He was after her, he was after a human, he was counting on her to help him and save him but how could she when in the end, everything was in Allah's hands. He couldn't ask for her help, without asking for Allah's.

"You say you want to be a good Muslim, but how can you do that without putting any faith in your lord?"

"I do have faith, but I just..." He stopped, unable to put voice onto his thoughts.

"Have more in his creation?" She guessed.

He scowled at her. "What are you saying?"

Sabrina sighed. "Khalid, do you really think I can help you without the will of Allah. If you want help, if you want forgiveness and acceptance, ask Him. Don't chase after me. For I can do nothing for you and Allah can do everything for you."

Khalid looked down. "Then I ask Allah to make you see that I'm worth it."

Suddenly, Sabrina wasn't sure she could do this. She couldn't help him if he didn't help himself first. He'd shot his own brother and left him there to die. Sabrina's head spun. What if the police found out one day? How was she supposed to live with someone who'd murdered his own brother? She couldn't stand it; his belief in her. He trusted her too much, like he was expecting her to take his burden and make it vanish. She couldn't do that. Only he could.