The Two of Us

Chapter 18 - Don't Forget

Chapter Eighteen - Don't Forget

Khalid didn't really know what to do anymore. He was at that place again, the place he'd go to when everything was wrong. Quite literally, for he stood on the bridge and sighed down at the dark, churning water below. The whole city was spread out before him, twinkling in the night. He wondered why he always found himself here, why when even though he thought he'd finally be happy, he'd end up on this bridge choosing apathy over emotion.

He wanted to stop feeling. Even if that meant he'd never feel happy again. At least it'd stop the piercing pain in his heart, the jumbled mess in his mind. And even though he'd stopped months ago, he could still feel his nails clawing into his back. He squeezed his eyes shut against the burning, and bit his lip from crying out.

He chose the cold water. He chose the darkness. He chose ending everything before it ended him. But he knew, deep down inside, that he'd never be able to do it. And that was just another example of how weak he was. He stopped breathing for a second, digging his hands into the railing until it bit into his skin.

No.

He would not long for death. He would not go to sleep begging Allah to take his life during the night, so he wouldn't have to wake up in the morning and face reality all over again. He would not yearn for darkness nor release. Not again. He took a breath and made a dua.

Ya Allah, give me life if You know that life is better for me. And give me death if You know that death is better for me.

This time he would leave it to Allah. What did he know? If Allah wished for him to live, he would live. If Allah wished for him to die, he would die. He just wanted to be ready. For both life and death. He prayed he would be ready to face reality. And he prayed he would be ready to face Allah.

He gripped the railing one last time and let go, turning to walk back to his car. 

* * *

"Khalid!" Jamaal called, snapping his fingers in front of his face. "Are you in there? Would you care to join us?"

His friends laughed, a few other Muslim guys who had graced them with their presence this particular afternoon. It only reminded Khalid that he hardly had any Muslim friends besides Jamaal and he glanced at them and scowled.

"What?" He mumbled. 

"Bro, we were asking about that chick you're engaged to. What's her name?" Some guy named Yusuf, asked.

"Sabrina Khan." Khalid muttered, staring him down.

"Oh, I know her." Noor, a short, dark skinned boy with startling green eyes spoke up and then laughed. "Dang Khalid, how'd you get a practicing Muslim girl to marry you?"

Khalid glared at Noor until Jamaal chuckled awkwardly and changed the topic. Khalid scanned the open courtyard for Sabrina and sighed in annoyance. She was probably avoiding him. He couldn't blame her.

When Noor, Yusuf and the other guy whose name Khalid failed to catch and also failed to care about, finally got up and left, Jamaal turned to Khalid with a scrutinizing gaze. Khalid turned to his half eaten Subway sandwich and pretended to busy himself with picking out all of the olives.

"Noor was just joking around you know," Jamaal began. "The kid has no respect. You know what he was saying when you were all zoned out? 'Hey, Jamaal, studies show that Khalid has no brain, hence his inability to focus'."

"Studies show I want to ram his face into a wall." Khalid mumbled, sneering.

Jamaal chuckled and then sobered. "Why were you zoned out anyway. Something to do with...Sabrina?"