Fall For You ~Muke Clemmings~

Chapter 26

I didn't show up to school for the rest of the week.

And it was now Monday morning and I didn't feel like getting out of bed. "Luke, I know you were avoiding something at school. But honestly, you can't avoid it forever. You have an hour before you leave for school, so get ready." Mum ordered and closed my door. I groaned in annoyance but there wasn't getting out of it.

I didn't want to face Michael, Ashton, or Calum. I think Ashton is okay with me, I'm not sure about Calum, and then there's Michael.

Why did I ever like him? Why do I like him?

I got out of bed and went immediately to the bathroom. My stress was getting the best of me as I felt the all-too-familiar feeling in my chest. I sigh and grab my phone, taking off the phone case and grabbing one of the four razors located in there.

I turn on the water and feel my wrist itch. The cuts from before have just about closed. Not healed, closed. I frowned at how pathetic looking the scars were. Not that the idea of them were pathetic, just the fact that no matter how much I cut it doesn't seem like I did it enough.

After about five minutes, continuously pressing the blade to my wrist, I put it back in my phone case. I frown at the small drop of blood coming from my wrist. I put my case back on my phone. I wish I did it but I just pressed the corner into my skin. Multiple times. I wanted to do it, yet at the same time I couldn't. Just not today. This morning.

--

In chemistry, I feel isolated. That's my choice. I see Calum and a couple other boys sitting on the other side of the room. I had my ear buds in while doing my lab. Needless to say, I'm a loner by choice. The teacher likes me though, not talking and all gives you bonus points when the rest of the class drives them crazy. Mrs. Barnett is a fun teacher though, and because we had testing before class we were having a gum lab. It was easy science, that's a good thing though. We were chewing gum for twenty minutes and then calculating the amount of rubber and sugar content was in the gum by massing it.

Fun, fun.

I look over at Calum and at the same time he looks at me, and we stare at one another for a couple of moments. A couple people whisper to him and he smiles and looks away while laughing. I couldn't help but wonder if they were laughing at me. I look around the room to see if they said anything about me, but nobody was paying any attention.

I open one of the small pockets of my bag and pull out a rubber band. I slowly put it on and snap it a few times, and nobody knows I'm doing it. I'm not sure how loud it was, but I kept snapping it. I look down at the timer and turn it off. I take the gum out of my mouth and place it on a small piece of paper that was already massed on the balance. I put the gum on it.

Some math later, I'm done.

I go up to the front and silently hand Mrs. Barnett my paper and go sit down. I pull out my school issued laptop and take the ear buds out of my phone. We still had fifteen minutes left of class. Everybody was still working. With other people having partners, they were still not finished. Sometimes I finished last because I have to do everything by myself and I wait until everybody has gotten their items before I go up and do the same. I wouldn't want to be a bother. I then make sure everything was put away and sit back down.

I plug my ear buds into my computer and go straight to Youtube. I type in 'Break the Cycle Motionless in White' to the search bar and click on their music video. A couple guys from Calum's table-including Calum himself-go up behind me to put away their goggles. I felt uncomfortable. Was I too fat to be sitting here? I wonder if it was hard for them to get by.

Snap

Snap

Snap

I wince as the rubber band hits my skin.

Snap

Snap

I felt fat even though I haven't eaten for two days. I pause my video and take out my ear buds. "Mrs. Barnett?" I ask quietly.

"Yes Luke?" 

"May I go to the bathroom?" 

"Sure you can." She smiles and I just give her a fake smile and a small nod. I am quiet in class, even with being a loud mouth when I am mad at Michael. The nearest bathroom was through B Gym, which has served as a cafeteria not a gym for I don't know how long; through Childe's Way and into the main hallway near the main office. 

I leave the room and begin walking, it was a minute walk but it was nice getting out of the classroom. "Luke!" I hear someone's voice and I turn around, seeing Calum jog over to me.

"What do you want, Calum?" I groan in annoyance. I do not let him answer as I continue on my walk.

"Luke, listen to me. You haven't shown up to school for days. Michael is worried about you." Calum tells me and I just keep walking, yet I hear his footsteps following me through the empty Childe's Way. 

"I've been avoiding him." I state, as if it was obvious.

"You guys were fine last week!" Calum exclaims.

"I don't want to deal with the bull shit! Sorry if that's is such a goddamn crime." I snap, stopping in my tracks and finally turning around to face him.

"You're selfish." He tells me, rolling his eyes.

I shove him back slightly. "You don't know me." I sneer.

He chuckles but doesn't make a move to hurt me. "I don't know you by your words. I know you by your actions. I can say that I am a violent, self-loving, egotistical asshole and be fine with it. Why? It is my actions that prove that. I may not want to believe it all of the time but, hell, what will arguing about it mean? Here's an answer: absolutely nothing." He rants. I once again turn around, going up the stairs and opening the door to the main hallway. I hear him following me once again as I head into the boy's bathroom.

It was empty, being the middle of class, and Calum continues to talk to me. "You can't expect to have Michael walk around in circles. If you don't care for him then act like it." Calum says.

"I do care for him! I cared for him even when he bullied me! I thought, somewhere under that rough shell, was some sort of decent human being. And that showed for a while, and unlike some people I got to see the side of Michael that some don't. But I understand that there is nothing special about him. Why I was so-am so-infatuated with him, I don't know." I sigh, leaning up against the white walls.

With that, Calum leaves. I smile to myself and wait about a minute so I know he is gone. I then go to the biggest stall and lean over. I don't do this often, but I was stressed and I didn't cut that morning like I want to. So, I stick two fingers down my throat and feel my stomach ache with pain. Almost nothing comes out because of my not eating. Mostly water. I keep sticking my fingers down my throat until I see a couple drops of blood go into the toilet. I stop and stare down at the evaporating orange spots of red liquid in the water.

I flush the toilet and leave the stall, washing my hands and leaving the bathroom. I get a drink from the fountain as I painfully swallow some large gulps of water.