The Ghost's Diary 👻 ✓

12. Realisation

Dylan Nathaniel
Knightley

I remain openmouthed as I watch Lindsey run out of the house.

Possibly even crying. Crying, because of me.

I never thought that she had such thoughts welding up inside of her, thoughts that were screaming to get out, thoughts that were driving her insane.

Thoughts that came into her mind because of me.

"I'm so sorry, Dylan dear. I'll talk to her straight after she comes back. She has been acting a little strange these days."

Ms Bragge's words snap me back into reality.

Strange. Probably because of me.

"No. There's no need to do that. I've already done enough."

She sighs deeply and walks away.

I can not believe that her governess, Ms Bragge, knew better of her state of mind than me, her brother.

After Mum, Dad and Kathleen died, I didn't know what to do, where to run, where to hide. I didn't want anyone to see me like that.

It just felt like a nightmare and that I would wake up from it, some day. But, I never woke up from that nightmare. Infact, it became my reality.

Afterwards, I found the perfect place to do that.

In my office.

Work was an excuse for me to run away from everything. It kept me away from my thoughts.

I was even selfish enough to not think of Lindsey.

Lindsey. My own sister. My own blood.

Accidents happen. But what did I do? Except of running away like a coward?

Nothing.

I should have become closer to Lindsey after the accident.

I should have done all that I've done now seven years ago.

Now, maybe, it's too late.

She was just a child afterall. An eight year old who lost her possibly entire family in the car crash.

Including me, who was alive but as good as dead.

Maybe, I showed up suddenly because I couldn't bare the guilt anymore, the guilt of leaving her alone. I just wanted to make things normal at Edenfield, again.

Everyone said at the funeral that it would get better over time but I don't know why it still feels like only yesterday when Kathy woke me up with different rap songs for school and I would always scold her, and when Dad would get called in to the principal's office because of some of the pranks I played at school, and when Mum would always come back from her ballet shows, completely drained by her own work, and still ask me about my day. And Lindsey... I always used to wake her up for school after Kathy woke me. She always woke up late and I'd tickle her till she woke up.

My mum always told me to be more expressive of my feelings. Now that she's gone... I'm remembering her words.