hømetøwn

• : / twenty / : •

The silence that descended across the apartment that night was almost tangible. It crept into all the empty places. It buzzed across the walls, sank down from the ceiling, and made a home in my ribcage. It was the type of silence that begged to be broken. The type of silence that was so loaded with things to talk about, that it was impossible to actually start talking. A silence that was so full of beginnings and endings that it was easier just to leave it alone. Leave it alone, and let its shadowed presence consume us.

Brendon sat beside me on the edge of his bed for a long time. I thought maybe we were going to talk. About Angie, about Connor, about my mother, about that stupid coffee shop downtown, about fucking taxes or the weather, something. Or us. Maybe I thought he wanted to talk about us.

But if he did, he didn't act on it.

Neither of us spoke.

We just sat there in silence, gazing at each other. His hand skimmed the top of mine. I curled my fingers around his wrist and held him in silence. I stared into those big brown eyes. The seconds caved in on themselves. Time hung suspended, meaningless, between us when we touched.

Then he leaned forward, kissed my forehead, and stood to leave.

I didn't know what the hell was going on. I didn't know what was going on between Brendon and I, or between Brendon and Angie, or between Connor and I. But somehow, I felt like we'd said much more in the silence than we could have out loud. Brendon had designed a new language on the back of my hand, in the places where his fingertips brushed my skin. And when his lips pressed against my forehead, I could feel all the unspoken words bursting across my skull.

He left the room. Back to the couch, where he spent his nights. Back to the stiff cushion and faded blanket. A twinge of guilt snarled in my chest as the door clacked shut.

I thought, you could always invite him to sleep in his bed. You know...with you.

Just the idea made heat rise in my neck. My eyes trailed to the door. I licked my lips, almost stood up, then sat back down, deflating.

I thought, maybe next time.

My hands trembled as I stripped and changed. There was only one pair of pajamas in my bag. Great.

I pulled on my pajamas. The worn fabric rubbed against my shoulders as I crawled into Brendon's bed. God, his room smelled amazing. The cool, glossy smell of him radiated off the covers. It wasn't just vanilla, though. It was this gentle, swaying vanilla, with a subtle edge of mint. The scent triggered the memory from earlier today and my toes curled. His lips. His lips on my lips. His smell, overpowering all else. My eyes fluttered shut. My shoulders relaxed. His skin on my skin, so warm. He the sun, I the moon, drawn together in the darkness. The moon and the sun, falling in... l-like. Like. Not love. Not...not love.

Not yet.

Shadows flickered across my eyelids.

I breathed in, sank into the covers, and rested in the smell of him.

-----------

"RISE AND SHINE, MOTHERFUCKERS!"

"Ryan, I will stab you so many times --"

"I'M GONNA GO WAKE HER UP!"

"Don't you fucking dare --"

"GONNA DO IT!"

"I'm gonna kill you! She's sleeping, you douche canoe -- wait, is that a fucking trashcan lid?"

BANG! BANG! BANG!