hømetøwn

• : / thirty four / : •

When my eyes drifted open, Brendon's soft smell greeted me. His breath sank against the base of my neck. His arms were wrapped around my waist, his head resting on my shoulder. I smiled. His hair stuck up in every direction. The warmth of his bare skin sent fireworks across my body.

I shifted, snuggling closer against him. He let out a sleepy sigh and his arms tightened around me, but his eyes didn't open. I breathed out slow. A sense of safety enveloped me. 

Voices rumbled outside Brendon's door. The others must already be up. My eyes wandered over Brendon's shoulder and landed on his alarm clock. It was 8:04 in the morning. I had to be at work in an hour. 

Brendon's eyes fluttered. He stretched, the muscles in his arms flexing. Then he rubbed his eyes, yawned, and looked at me. His dark eyes were clouded with sleep. They warmed in affection when he looked at me. 

There was a moment of quiet. The air was sweet and cool between us. Then, without a word, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine. 

I leaned into the kiss, reaching my arms around his neck. My fingers slid up into his hair. I tangled my hands in his fluffy bedhead. His lips were soft and full against mine. I thought, there's no better way to wake up in the morning.

His hands pressed against the small of my back, holding me against him. Those strong, soft hands. A scarlet hunger rolled through me. I parted my lips, sucking in a gasp of air. My head spun. He let out a low growl, pressing himself tighter against me. His tongue slid between my lips, hot and sugary and wet. A soft moan slid through my lips.

"Lake," he murmured, and I felt his lips as they formed my name. 

"Brendon," I whispered. 

His lips brushed against my collarbone. "Good morning, beautiful."

I leaned away, smiling softly. My fingertips traced the edge of his jaw. It was impossible to look away. So I didn't. I just gazed at him, soaking in the details. I took in those beautiful brown eyes, the curve of his lips, every freckle and eyelash. 

Then I got up, and we made banana pancakes and kissed over the countertops. 

***

It's never been easy for me to enjoy things. I've spent too much of my life aching over the things that didn't last. The things that couldn't last. The things that were doomed to be torn apart, destroyed, broken -- the parts of my life that were waiting to go up in flames. And because of the things I've lost, I've spent so much of my life trying to fireproof everything. Or trying to remain unattached, so that when it burned, it wouldn't hurt me.

Relationships were a ticking time bomb.

Brendon...was a ticking time bomb.

I had known that from the beginning. Because, like life, relationships are born to do only one thing: end. 

My paintbrush rose up and down, up and down. The thoughts kept coming. 

I thought about the distance I put between other people and myself. I thought about the vast empty space that had always existed between even my closest friends and I. I was never one for closeness. Connor had once accused me of shunning everyone except people who listened to Fall Out Boy. But he didn't know that I didn't feel any more attached to them than the others. I left my hometown on the spur of the moment and didn't look back. I left almost everything I owned. Everything I knew. 

And I was fine. The distance kept me safe. 

Up, down. Up, down. The paint splattered.

 I thought of Brendon. I thought of him, closing the spaces between us. How much that scared and excited me. Because distance numbs the pain of things -- but it also numbs the love of things. 

So there was the question. Should I keep my emotions for him at a distance so it didn't hurt when I lost him? Or was feeling the fullness of our love worth the risk?

The radio sang into the silence.

I don't ever wanna leave you

I  never wanna be alone again

But every time I see you

I think of all the ways this could end

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hey lovelies,

lol I totally changed this chapter, oops. because what i had before was ridiculous. lake and brendon honestly still barely know each other. I disliked this chapter so much that I actually couldn't bring myself to continue writing it. I hope you understand and support :)

 the song mentioned in this chapter was "all the ways" by wet. I'd highly recommend checking out the playlist for this story -- it'll give you  A LOT of insight to the story and the characters. 

I hope you're doing okay, and that you like this update. My favorite comment from the last chapter was "I need to sleep but I got here super fast I'm reading then sleeping...worth it" by catswithhats -- I am honored to be your late night fanfic writer <3

i love you

xxkelsey